Riding the Mellow

Quarterly?

2011-04-27T10:55:00.003+08:00

No we haven't closed down.

This blog is fast becoming some sort of quarterly publication at this rate. I admit. The desire to blog these days is not very strong anymore. Which is unfortunate.

I've been finding myself being pressed for time these days. There's stuff like Twitter and Facebook, guitar playing, hanging out with friends. There's too much to do suddenly. Or maybe the days are getting shorter? Technically, they are since that big Tohoku earthquake last month. What was it? 0.8 seconds or something.

I don't even have time for gaming much these days. Oh yes, then there's Japanese.

I've started a JLPT course. Classes are on Monday. It's tough but I like it. It's sort of strange to enroll in something purely out of interest. I remember a time when sitting for a double period would bore me out of my skull.

Things are progressing well. I can read kana now. It's really cool to be able to read an entirely different alphabet.

Our instructor is quite nice. Hiroshima native. One of the draws of the course was the idea of being taught by a native speaker. Of course, there's the cert itself.

Talking about courses, I've been thinking about taking drum lessons too. But I think I'm going to KIV that one for now. Too many things on my plate at the moment.

Lately I've been thinking about time and how it suddenly seems to pass by so fast. Then I think about that time before the cure, before being "normal". Being clinically depressed was a blight in my history and to be honest, I regret not dealing with it any sooner. How things could have been different?

Alas, the damage is done. At least life is quite steady now. Things aren't perfect but they'll never be would they? I'm old enough to know that.

So until my next quarterly update...

February Update

2011-02-28T11:26:00.001+08:00

Blogging from phone again. I've had this phone for a month now. I come from a time before internet, a time when public phones were cutting edge, when u had to arrange meetings with friends a day in advance.

I know how it works but the idea that can do so much on a phone is amazing..

So, what's been happening in February?

There was CNY. I went fo just one house so nothing much to say there.

I've been jamming with the guys. It'a great but we're not very good yet. My guitar playing has gotten better. But I'm still nof very happy with it.

So much I need to learn.

If I could I want to get myself a bass guitar and a drum kit. I like playing thise too..

I guess that's it. There isn't enough drama and angst these days to use as blog fodder. Still don't want to blog about politics or current events or other people.

Ok, later then..

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Android

2011-02-07T09:26:00.003+08:00

This is probably the longest gap between posts ever. As usual, not much to rant about these days.

I'm quite zen-like these days. It's not that life is better. Make no mistake, it still sucks.

But it's really not so bad. Anyway, I bought a Garmin-Asus Android phone. It's awesome. I've been meaning to get a smart phone and the CNY sales period gave me the chance.It's mine boggling. It's phone. And it's a tiny computer at the same time. And I can install stuff on it!

I sound like this because I'm old and I remember phones that did nothing but call and text and tell you the date and the time.So yes, I'm enjoying it.

I also jammed yesterday. Been doing that for awhile now. Yesterday we didn't know what to play so we improv'd. I conjured up some lines on my guitar and it actually sounded like music.All that scale practice is paying off! To actually hear it is pretty cool.

So now I must keep working on technique, speed and stamina. And here I thought I had hit a wall again..I guess that's it for now. No that I can do this on a phone, I suppose I could update more often.

Short updates though. The tiny keyboard's a real bitch to type on..

Sundown

2010-12-31T17:13:00.002+08:00

Last entry for this year. So how was it?

It was better than last year. No huge disasters. Nothing to complain about. Hence the inactive blog. Maybe I should think about changing it's purpose from a toxic waste dump to a happier place? I could if I cared enough. I guess.

I took up guitar playing again. I'm really doing it now and in 2 months have progressed more than the other 20 years that I've been playing. I still have a long way to go though before I'm satisfied. There are many things I still can't do.

What about next year? More games and music to look forward to!

I also think that there will be another fork in the road just ahead. I hope so anyway. I still want to change a few things. I hope the moment hasn't passed me yet.

Well, there you go. Happy New Year then.

Almost Over

2010-11-30T22:54:00.002+08:00

Hello,

I thought I'd post an update before the month is out. Which is in about 1hr and 5 minutes. Then December will be upon us.

Shock horror. I've almost stopped gaming completely. Despite having games, somehow something happened and I've not been playing.

Sometime earlier this month, I've decided to play guitar again. Lots of guitars in the house now. And I've also decided to really, really get into it. Which means I'm learning theory as well.

I've been playing the damn instrument for 21 years and I still suck at it. I would like to get much, much better at it. My actual target is pretty high. I give myself one year to do it.

I'm also contemplating buying another electric guitar but to be honest it's hard to justify that right now. I'm not in a band and as much as I'd love to be in one again, it's not likely to happen.

Anyway, life is pretty good because of all the music related stuff. I've discovered new and excellent music (and musicians) from a scene I hardly cared about before and it's been very interesting.

Music has awaken other interests as well. I hope this is a sign, a good sign of things.

The year is almost gone and it's turning out better than last year. I hope it ends on a high.

November Already?

2010-11-01T15:06:00.003+08:00

Quite a few things happened recently. I've been meaning to update this blog but there's just too many things occupying my time.

I opened a Twitter account. Originally for work but it turned out to be more useful than I thought it would be.

I discovered new music. A very, very good Jpop/Rock outfit. I've not been this excited about a band since the early 90s. Makes one feel young again.

I've decided to music again. I discovered my brother's gotten hold of an acoustic bass. So now, we have 1 bass guitar, 1 electric guitar and 3 acoustic guitars. It's fun again. I'm rusty as hell but it's all coming back. Maybe I'll even get better than I ever was.

I'm even contemplating buying a new electric guitar again.

All of a sudden I have a lot of things to do. This doesn't include gaming even. Fallout New Vegas came out. So did Medal of Honor. Soon, Call of Duty Black Ops and FM2011 will come out.

I don't know if I have any time to play any of these.

I played Uncharted Waters online recently. But I don't have time to play it anymore.

It's been a pretty good month. New activity breathes new life. It's been quite a contrast from last year.

I feel pretty good suddenly. I hope the year will end well.

Dreams and No Dreams

2010-10-08T10:42:00.002+08:00

Yes, I live. I haven't been swallowed up by the earth. Or other things on the internet. I came very close though.

I recently opened a Twitter account. I don't use it much. It's for research for work. I've also been researching stuff on Facebook.

The main thing that happened recently that's threatening to engulf my free time is this.

Many, many, many years ago while we were in college and playing games such as this, we talked about how awesome it would be if there was a version of it which would allow multiplayer. Of course, this was during the days before the internet so we had no idea what an MMO would be.

Well, fast forward more than a decade later and lo and behold, one of my favourite games of all time has evolved into an MMO. A free to play one at that.

Now whenever I log in and sail out of port memory still strikes me and I marvel at how far the game has changed. It's like reliving a childhood memory but with improved graphics, multiplayer and better gameplay.

So there, I have become a victim of another MMO. An MMO that until recently was in the realm of wishful thinking.

Speaking of dreams, a few weeks ago I was driving when a thought struck me.

Everyone has ambitions right? I remember I had some. Then while I was driving, I wondered what is mine now. That become a very vexing question for awhile. What IS my current ambition and aim in life?

I have come to accept the fact that perhaps, I have none at the moment. All the things I want to do currently are all short term or trivial or routine.

Having no ambition isn't so bad actually. It makes me sound like I'm drifting aimlessly through life like so much flotsam tossed about by the waves. Maybe I am sort of aimless.

Funny how that doesn't bother me at all. I'm happy enough and that is good enough for now.

I guess if people push me for a so-called ambition it would be to be contented and satisfied at my life.

So far, I have no complaints. Hence the near total lack of blog posts.

In yet more news, notice I didn't post anything on or around the 16th. That is because Malaysia Day is finally a public holiday and people are finally wondering what the big fuss was all about (especially people in the Peninsula).

I'm pleased with this new development. It's not everything but it's a start and it's as good a start as any.

Well, that's it for now. Perhaps in a months time there will be more to write about. Or I could write about sailing the ocean in my virtual caravel.

Until then.

Perspective

2010-09-01T17:01:00.001+08:00

Oops.

Only 1 post in August. Well yeah.

Anyway, around this time I usually write something pithy about National Day and how it should be 47 instead of 53. Then I go on and on about the reasons why it should be so.

I'm not going to bother this year.

The people who know me already know how I feel about this and people who don't know can look up my older posts.

I'm not going to annoy myself by explaining why. Besides, a soapbox is only good when you have readers. And why wouldn't that be true. No one wants to follow a blog that's updated once a month anyway.

Anyway..

I went shopping the last few days. Finding good footwear is incredibly difficult when you're looking for something specific. I did end up buying something but it wasn't exactly what I really wanted.

At least it was cheap.

I cleared one credit card this month. I used a loan which uses my insurance policies as collateral. Low interest, flexible payment schedule, easy approval. Too bad the amount I qualified for wasn't very big.

But it helps anyhow and I should be feeling a bit more comfortable the next few months.

Comfort. One of the small things to be grateful for. As deathly quiet and lonely things get, I've been in worse places. I try to keep the perspective even as I read status updates and look at pictures of people doing and having things I failed to get.

Life is a sport. Unfortunately not everyone can turn pro.

It's hard to accept this sometimes. But I must remember that perspective.

Till next post.

Return To Azeroth?

2010-08-16T14:55:00.003+08:00

While hanging out this week, one topic that kept creeping up was MMOs. World of Warcraft in particular. I used to play WoW. A few days ago, I checked and my last log in was July 2007. A little over 3 years ago.

One of our friends recently started the 10-day trial.

I was please to discover that my account was still alive albeit suspended pending renewal of subscription. I'm actually contemplating going back. Not so soon though, still have some loose ends to handle.

Speaking of which, today I cleared a credit card. Luckily I managed to secure a small loan and much lower interest to pay off the balance. This will help a lot.

Feels kinda good to do something about that.

In other news, life is still like that. It seems that one of the jobs i applied for is a no go and to be honest, things don't look good elsewhere too. I guess I'll have to be content.

I do have some small graces to be thankful for. But still, there's that realization that these too will pass. People grow older and grow apart and each of us will move on. Some will succeed and some others will not.

Success.

Is there an end to that? Experience tells me that there is no happily ever after even though this is what we yearn for.

Sometimes, I look at the future and it looks really... empty. As in I"ll be alone there.

It's not good to be so negative but I have to ready myself for that eventuality. To be honest, the more time passes the less likely things will turn out differently. I remember myself being 17 and being so optimistic about life. It was so simple and I was such a good student. There was no way I could fail.

Funny how that worked out in the end.

I do ask myself where did it all go wrong? I'd like to know if it's at all possible, where in the past was the turning point? Were there many or was there one big decision that changed everything? Did I make a wrong turn somewhere and ended up here? Turn a different corner and who knows who I might have met.

I guess I'll never really know.

Until my next post, that is all I have. Perhaps there will be some sort of answer then.

2nd Post for July

2010-07-20T12:01:00.002+08:00

I ran across an article the other day, something about if Twitter and Facebook are blog killers. I think they are.

I notice that my blog isn't the only one that doesn't get updated much. I used to blog to express things at a moments notice. I never plan any posts. All of it was spontaneous.

Then I opened a Facebook account. The status updates covered the need for mind vomit microposting and the friends list covered the need for an audience.

I currently don't have the need to open a Twitter account yet. Maybe I should, if only to book some cyber real estate using my preffered username.

Anyway, this blog is not getting shut down. Who knows, I might need to write something really long winded and I can't write them on Facebook because people know who I am there.

I guess the one thing this blog still provides one thing that Facebook can't. Anonymity. I could bitch about work here. I haven't had the need for it yet though.

I also keep my favourite links here so it's still useful like that.

I've been watching How I Met Your Mother lately. What an awesome show. I love it. Many reasons. I also like how it makes me think about my own life.

Maybe that's one possible subject for a long winded post?

A Nice Weekend

2010-07-06T07:16:00.001+08:00

We went to Rambungan last weekend. It was great. I think going away from town every now and then is a great idea. A nice way to break the monotony.

Monotony. That's a good word to describe what life is currently.

There's still a lot of football playing on TV. And still very little drama to write about.

No news on job hunt. I hope I hear something soon.

Other than this, nothing worth writing about.

Football Month

2010-06-21T13:57:00.003+08:00

There is no time to blog at all. Even less than usual.

I signed up for the Astro Sports Package just to watch the World Cup. It's been great so far. I've watched more games on TV than I've watched the rest of the year.

Actually, there's a lot of football related stuff to talk about. About how the French and English are sucking. And how USA, ROK and Japan are getting better. And how some managers have gotten their tactics wrong. And the heroics of New Zealand! And DPR Korea! And Switzerland!

Maybe some other time?

I recently applied for another job. A govt one. Here is another opportunity for my past to creep up and haunt me again. It's sort of disappointing to think that it would get in the way. But that's the reality of things.

It could happen.

I hope it doesn't though.

Now why would I be looking for work when I already have a perfectly good job? I'm getting old here. I need some job security and something with big longterm benefits. I thought about it long and hard. I'd even take a pay cut.

I hope it works out. Too many things haven't in the recent one or two years.

I hope it does. I have plans that revolve around this.

Ok, that's one post for June. Another one coming before the end of the month.

Harvest

2010-05-31T20:59:00.002+08:00

This post is just so this month's post count will be more than 1.

What can I say, there's nothing going on to report. My computer sort of died, so I had to replace some parts.

Work is just like that. Life in general is just like that. Sort of boring.

What would I blog about if there's no personal matter to discuss? I could talk about current issues again but those things just annoy me. Politics? Same thing.

Anyway, it's Gawai tomorrow. I'm at home and probably will stay home tomorrow too. Not feeling particularly festive to be honest.

Still, the quiet is something to be grateful for. I just wish I could enjoy it a bit more.

It's sort of boring.

Happy Gawai to you all and hopefully your year was alright. It's ok for me so far.

May

2010-05-09T16:15:00.002+08:00

It's a Sunday. I'm at work. There's this big event going on here. It's pretty cool actually. Big crowd these last few days.

Anyway, that screencap above is of this really, really cool website. Urban exploration is quite awesome. I was thinking about something. I know of some abandoned structures here in Kuching and how cool would it be to buy out land that has a colonial era structure on it and have that structure refurbished. It'd be awesome and a change from building a house from scratch or buying a prebuilt one.

I'd love to be able to live in a hundred year old house.

I've always been fascinated by old things. History fascinates me. Objects and other things connected to the past fascinate me. It's hard to explain why. Even stranger considering that I was never that good at History when I was studying it in secondary school.

I recently applied for another job. A very high paying one at a local campus of an international university. I don't think I'll get it. No matter, all I want is to go to the interview. I feel that if I got a shot at an interview I have a small chance. The pay is very, very good. I really, really need money this year.

I watched some movies lately. Iron Man 2 was pretty good. But strangely, I enjoyed Kick Ass more.

I upgraded to Windows 7 Pro at home recently just so I could play Just Cause 2. I don't regret it. Just Cause 2 is awesomely fun. The game is so very big. So many places to go and so many things to see. And to blow up.

Even more excellent is Win 7 actually. I should've changed over sooner. It is very good. The thing I appreciate the most is the very much improved memory management. No issue with memory leaks at all. I appreciate the quick boot up and shut down too. It took a while to get used to especially since the XP classic desktop is not available anymore. But once past that, Win 7 is really good.

Not much else is happening. It's May already. Almost half a year gone. I really hope I get that job.

Shorts

2010-04-26T22:15:00.002+08:00

I really had no time this month, to say nothing of motivation.

Had a long, long week. There was a major conference at work and I had to work through the weekend. Good thing I'm off work tomorrow. Had some extra leave to clear.

I applied for another job. I sent in my application late last week. Same thing I'm doing but with some extra stuff on top. Much, much more pay. It's a long shot though. The potential employer states that having a degree and/or professional certification is "highly desirable". I have none of these.

Seriously though, I can do this job if I get it. If. No matter though, if I don't get it then I'm not worried.

I stayed at Tune hotel a few weeks back. Just needed to get away from things. Nice, clean hotel. Cheap too. Cheaper still if you book way in advance. I'm going back there should I feel like going away again.

I got a raise today. 5%. Not too bad.

Tomorrow, I need to pay some bills and fix the car.

Hopefully, I'll be motivated to post my next entry quicker than this one.

Happy?

2010-04-07T12:41:00.000+08:00

I watched Clash of The Titans last week. It was great! Although I do think they should’ve kept the way the original movie ended with the narration about stars and the constellations etc.

I also watched Blood The Last Vampire. Better than I thought. Koyuki is so nice to look at. Something very elegant about her.

And I watched Zombieland. It was great. One of the best zombie movies I’ve ever watched. I hear they’re making a sequel. I’d watch that for sure.

I just noticed the massive gap between the last post and this one. I feel sort of sorry about that. I wish I have more stories to tell. These days, I’m actually amazed at how prolific I used to be as a blogger.

If I were to write more often, a lot of it would be about games. Not many people want to read about that. I could write about them intellectually, ala Kotaku or those other gaming websites. Unfortunately, I’m not much of a writer especially when I’m not unhappy or wracked with anxiety or other things like that.

Which brings me to something that I thought about last week. I was driving in heavy traffic and was looking around. I suddenly had a question. Of all these people around me, how many of them would be able to say for certain that they are happy?
I do wonder. How many people are happy and how many are miserable? I don’t know about happy but somehow I can imagine quite a number of them are not so happy. Why? Just a hunch I was getting.

Am I happy? I don’t know to be honest. I feel many things. Relief would be one of them. Especially when I remember things that I used to get involved in. I had a less than ideal past.

Boredom would be one of the things I feel too. I am kind of bored. Not very bored. Just sort of. But again when I remember things, I’d take boredom over any number of bad emotions.

I guess I’m just going through the motions at the moment.

Strange thing happiness. So simple an idea, yet it causes so much misery during the pursuit of it. It’s the greatest irony.

So how happy are you then?

Regular Stuff

2010-03-22T19:50:00.002+08:00

Between work, hanging out, gaming and Facebook there isn't time to blog much. To think I used to be so wordy. This is one drawback of figuring things out. I could write about what I figure out but I don't want to be preachy.

Things are a lot quieter nowadays. Even in my head.

Anyway, I've been playing Dragon Age: Awakening. It's great. I kinda wish it was longer. Not much to say here. Not much changed except things like new enemies, new companions, new items and of course the new story which was pretty good. In a nutshell, Awakening is simply more Dragon Age. Definitely a good thing.

I'm also playing Dawn of War 2 Chaos Rising. This expansion changed a lot of the game. I played the original campaign after finishing the expansion one and a lot of things change. It really feels different. More enemies attack you in the missions even the ones from the original game. Some maps have respawning enemies until there are so many you fight none stop and it feels like you get overrun. And more wargear. And Chaos Marines are pretty cool. Really looking forward to another expansion.

In other news, I'm thinking about buying a PS3 at the end of the year. Its cost is almost reasonable now. Almost. RM1280 for the 120Gb slim one is still a liiitle too much at the moment. Maybe I should get a used one?

Apart from this game talk, things are just like that. A little blah.

I replaced a tire yesterday. Thank goodness for used tires. If not, I would've had to fork out 180 bucks for a new one.

And talking about money, I'm going to be broke still for awhile longer. I hope things clear up soon enough. Lots of clearing needs to be done.

Black Powder

2010-03-13T13:45:00.004+08:00

Ever since Facebook appeared, blogging as a whole as gone down hasn't it? Some ways social networking sites provide that instant gratification that blogging once provided. I definitely feel that way regarding my own blog.

Earlier this month, I had a pretty busy time at work. I'm relieved it's all over. I'm hoping for things to remain slow. For awhile anyway.

Been playing Napoleon Total War. It's great. The Total War series keeps getting better and better as it goes on.

I finally got a new hard drive last week. A 500Gb WD one costing a mere 180 bucks. So I no longer have to worry about space. For awhile It also means our other computer at home has more space too since I moved my 200Gb IDE hard disk there. All my music is in one place again.

There is not much to say at the moment. Things are pretty calm. I suppose life could be better in some areas but overall things are ok.

I'm still thinking about making some changes. One or two weeks will decide that.

Time Pt 2

2010-03-01T22:51:00.005+08:00

It's March already. Hmm.

In my last post I put up Pink Floyd lyrics and there's this bit that goes:-

"Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines"

The years do seem to get shorter and shorter don't they. And despite all the talk about playing things safe, there are a few I want to do with the time that I have. But somehow, there are things here that hold me back. Plans come to naught or remain just plans.

It doesn't bother me much though. I don't mind if I don't do anything major again in my life. As long as I can be happy. To be free and happy is everything I want. That is all.

There is one thought that scares me.

When I turned 30 I didn't mind it so much. It didn't seem like a big deal. Then recently I realized that that was 7 years ago. Then it suddenly became a big deal.

Turning 40 scares me. It's frightening because of how unready I am. What has the average 40 year old achieved. And where am I compared to that median.

I look at my parents. My former classmates from school and uni. What have I done with all the time? I supposed I shouldn't feel so bad. It's not as if I didn't try to get ahead. But most things didn't work out. Half a page of scribbled lines.

I suppose I fear because when you are young and make mistakes, there's still time. I feel that if I make a mistake now, there won't be anymore time to try to make up for it.

I have a lot to make up for. A lot of favours to repay and a lot of wrongs to correct. A lot I need to do to become the average that I imagine. I don't even know where to start. What does the future hold in it?

And how much time do I have before it's all gone and the song ends?

Time

2010-02-22T20:33:00.003+08:00

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

- Time, Pink Floyd, Dark Side of The Moon

Not Feeling so Good

2010-02-19T17:44:00.001+08:00

I’m not feeling so good. Tired. And it’s about to get very, very busy around here. I do in fact want to elaborate on my last post but I’m not really up to it and the moment.

Going out to Bing later. Haven’t gone to Bing in forever.

Chinese New Year break was pretty good. Quiet. Only went to one house. I did have a really good time on the eve of CNY. Went to hang out at a friend’s house to watch fireworks. I was thinking the impromptu fireworks we have in all the towns in Sarawak could be a useful tourist attraction. I think it’d be a good idea to use it that way.

No Valentine’s day blues. Hadn’t had that for a while actually. No desire to whine or ruminate over relationships and women etc. I think I’ve pretty much written down everything I’ve got to say about that. I guess that’s a good thing even though it makes this blog less fun to read. Not that anyone reads it anymore anyway, apart from myself.

I think Twitter and Facebook are more immediate and gratifying as a means of self expression. Hence the reduction in blogging interest.

Felt very lethargic last week and this week too. Tomorrow I’m planning to sleep in.

It’s nearly the end of February and this is only my 2nd post.

There is one other thing I want to write down. About work. I’m feeling kinda angsty again. But no adventure this time. Only security. I get this feeling that this job isn’t secure enough.
Something to think about the next few weeks.

I would feel worse if not for the games on my PC. Had to reinstall Windows recently. The first time I’ve done that to my PC in at least 3 years.

I’ll post again within the next 2 weeks or when something noteworthy happens whichever comes first.

Bits and Pieces

2010-02-09T12:19:00.005+08:00

What do Martin Sheen, Michael Dorn, Carrie-Anne Moss, Yvonne Strahovski, Tricia Helfer, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Adam Baldwin and Seth Green have in common? They all do voices for Mass Effect 2!

I've been too busy playing Mass Effect 2. It's brilliant. Every bit as good as its sister Dragon Age. I've just finished the game but I'm starting another one. I also started another Dragon Age file recently too.

Anyway, Mass Effect 2. It's so good it's.... so good. It's an action RPG. And also a sandbox type game. There's a story. A really good story. And many smaller stories on the side. Star charts. Planets to explore. People to chat with. And a final act worthy of any action movie. Or mini series.

If someone mashed together this game and Privateer it would be mind blowingly awesome.

Actually, games like these have grown big enough to warrant its own mini series. One movie won't be enough to include everything in the game, should a movie adaptation be made of course.

And there's the graphics. Beautiful.

Anyway, March will be more fun. There's a Dragon Age expansion to look forward to. An DLCs for Mass Effect. And patch 10.1.3 plus January transfer updates for FM2010. And movies!

Unfotunately, February is a busy month. There's a huge do coming up towards the end of the month and it's going to be quite mad. I just hope nothing bad happens.

So far nothing bad has happened. I do wish it would be more peaceful though. It's not like I'm in trouble or anything. But I got nostalgic recently and I suddenly remembered a time when things felt... different. Warm.

I used to go out with friends and we'd hang out the whole day talking about fanciful stuff like life and jobs and what we wanted to do. We talked about feelings and relationships. And deep meaningful stuff.

That was before real life struck of course. Then I got busy, friends got busy, people grew up and drifted apart. Then there's the depression and the fluoxetine. I still think about that. How differently things would've worked out had I took the pills earlier.

Life is pretty cruel when you think about it. I have more to write. Perhaps later?

The End of Mondays

2010-01-31T17:28:00.003+08:00

It's the end of January already.

As usual, there's not much to write about. Things are just as they are. I'm looking forward to February. A short, quick month with public holidays in it. And March will come and new movies are due out then. Like Clash of The Titans.

I'm very excited about that. I watched the original back in the day with the parents if I'm not mistaken. I was 8 years old. I remember the original story and characters very, very clearly. It'll be like a reunion of sorts when that movie comes out on 26 March.

Another reason why this movie was significant is due to the fact that it sparked my interest in Greek mythology. Which led to interest in Roman mythology. Which led to interest to Egyptian mythology. Which led to... Well, the general idea is there.

That is how I ended up being a history and archeology buff that I am today.

I can't help but think that maybe when the new Titans movie comes out in March there will be a kid in the audience who would feel compelled to read by the story.

I certainly hope so.

In other news, I'm learning Linux. Forced to by things happening at work. It's hard. But I'm going to keep at it. It's essentially DOS on steroids after all. I know DOS so I should be able to figure Linux out in time. And who knows, Linux knowledge might lead to other, better... opportunities in the future.

I'm also pleased to note that so far there is no major inconvenience yet to report in 2010. Neither is there any drama. Or disappointment. Here's to hoping February would be the same.

Slowing Down

2010-01-18T10:59:00.001+08:00

Well that took a long, long time didn't it.. There is even less time these days to even update my Facebook status nevermind post in blogs.

I had a long, long week last week. There was a big do here over the week and I was on duty. Tiring. But quite satisfactory. On Sunday, I went out to buy some more computer stuff for this friend of mine who is going on a PC upgrading spree. Over the last few months, I helped him change everything from DVD writer to CPU to RAM to motherboard. Even got a pretty good graphics card. We changed everything and yesterday we went out to buy a new hard disk. 500Gbs for RM175. That's ridiculously cheap.

If it weren't for the fact that I need to pay insurance at the end of March I would buy one myself. It's still on though. I really, really need the extra space. After all the bills are paid I'm getting one as soon as I can afford it.

So yeah, now this friend has what amounts to a brand new PC covered by three year warrantee. We are both very pleased. The only things we haven't changed are the monitor and the casing. This "new" PC should last him quite a while. His old PC stayed more or less the same for something like 8 years.

It was fun doing this. I wish I could build more computers more often.

Other than that, things are pretty routine so far. Time has floated by at a good enough rate so this January doesn't actually feel like the dreary month it usually is. It's been raining very heavily a hell of a lot. People have been complaining about it and for good reason I guess. But I actually like the rain apart from the fact that it makes it inconvenient to go out.

There's been a little bit of drama at work but thankfully it doesn't really involve me. Some people live of this office politics stuff. I'm not one of them. As if like isn't already complicated enough like I often say.

Hopefully this week will be less busy and I can slow down a bit.

Cleanse

2010-01-08T07:58:00.003+08:00

You know what some people say about how the year end brings nothing new, that the so-called New Year's Day is just an arbitrary placeholder for the end of a calendar. Nothing changes.

I agree with that.

But this time oddly enough, it feels like something HAS changed somewhere.

I've been at work for a week now and life in general is a little different. It's probably just a change in perception. What I don't know is what brought that on. Especially considering how awful last year was. By right I should be traumatized. True to form last year was filled with crap right up till the last day.

But I'm not traumatized. I could say that I'm numbed but I'm sure it's not that. Maybe it's the weather? Or the new music I put in the car? It's hard to describe exactly what I'm feeling. It's something like feeling easier, like a burden has lifted with the coming of a new year. It feels like I could consign all that awfulness to the past where it belongs? I'm not sure I'm saying this right.

Basically, it's almost as if 2009 didn't really happen.

One not so good thing so far is how busy I am this first week of January. Tomorrow I have to come work again. And next week I might have to work until 10.00pm until Saturday.

Good timing though, after fixing my aircond compressor I'm flat broke. At the end of March, it will be road tax paying time...

I've so knackered I haven't even gone out yet this year. Perhaps I'll do that tonight. I have this craving for a Prosperity Burger...

So there it is, the 1st post for a new decade. Here's to a peaceful, safe, drama free 2010 and may the past stay there and not haunt me like it usually does.

Good Riddance Noughties

2009-12-31T22:19:00.004+08:00

Well, we are here. Final day of the first decade of the new millenium. I can't wait to see the back of it.

09 has been an awful year.

I had a quiet time over the Christmas holidays. Relative to how the rest of the year went, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm long leave right now. It's quite nice so far, to be away from work.

Talking about that, it's been pretty good at work. Except for one thing. Of course who can be surprised right? This is me after all, when things are going well there has to be ONE thing to spoil it. Otherwise it would be too easy and too easy is not in sync with how life is supposed to be (at least my life anyway).

I won't spell it out here but I'll just say that it's rather difficult to work with certain people who are... well, difficult. It's a good example of how lack of social skills, inability to communicate coherently and lack of common courtesy can make things very... difficult.

Heck, even our boss is having this difficulty.

Anyway, what can I do? Like all the other crap that I've had to deal with, I'll have to suck it up. I do have a feeling though, something's got to give in the end. Let's see how that works out.

Who knows, knowing my luck it will turn out to be MY fault. Yes, I've had a pretty traumatic year as evidenced by my being far more defensive than usual.

I just hope so much that with the new year all that will go away.

And what of the new year? I hope it will be a year where I can settle into boring, safe routine again. None of these super adventurous attempts at "improving" myself and "advancing" my career or any other related matters.

I'll leave that for younger folks to do.

In other words, my resolution for 2010 is to be happy. Not to be rich, not be successful, not to achieve anything major. Just to be happy.

And may the new decade bring that and some peace and tranquility as well.

There it is then. My next post will be in two weeks or something like that. Or whenever I get around to posting.

So, Happy New Year to you too.

Early Christmas Present?

2009-12-21T23:01:00.003+08:00

My Geforce 9800 GT graphics card decided to die on me today. This is very, very bad news. It means I need to shop for a new graphics card. A medium/low grade one that will tie me over until I get the warranty claims sorted out.

God knows how long that is going to take what with the holiday season and all that. Or I could just get another highend card, do the warranty claim and flog off either one of the cards when I get the replacement in.

It's a very, very good thing I have some cash left over from last month. I get paid early this month too. Unfortunately, this means I can't buy a hard disk yet.

Incidentally, I have an extra power supply unit lying around. A pretty good one too. I'm going to sell that one off this week if there are any takers.

Apart from this little bit of drama things are rather quiet.

Oh yes, Borderlands is very, very good. Extremely good in fact. So good, I'm very upset at not being able to play it right now due to the dead graphics card. So disappointed.

Hopefully, tomorrow the claims process will go without any trouble. And hopefully, I can find a cheap card as a temporary replacement.

Baldur's Gate 3?

2009-12-14T10:06:00.004+08:00

Dragon Age: Origins. For mature audiences only. Notice the number 18.

I wanted to write about how brilliant Dragon Age is and all that but alas... my modem at home has died. Looks like I'm be buying another router this evening.

Anyway, Dragon Age is the reason why I have failed to update these two weeks.

I didn't really care about it at first but there were bold claims attached to the game. Like "the spiritual successor to Baldur's Gate." And one review said it was "the RPG of the decade."

It made me roll my eyes. Lots of RPG games have come out since Baldur's Gate in 1998 and none of them can even come close to the Baldur's Gate in terms of the epicness of it's backstory and the lore.

Well, I've been playing it for more than a week and yes, it's close to the Baldur's Gate series. Heck, it might even be slightly better in fact. It feels like it. And it plays kind of like it.

Unfortunately, the other thing it inherited from the Baldur's Gate series is the occasionally excessive load times.

Nevertheless, Dragon Age is brilliant and a must try for RPG fans. You won't regret it.

A word of caution though. The game is rated M and some of the things you encounter in the story can be rather... disturbing. But that's why Dragon is Awesome, among other things.

I'd write more but I'm at work and getting quite busy...

Hopefully, I can find a cheap wireless router later today.

Overdue Update

2009-11-29T23:14:00.004+08:00

I was at E-Mart just now and the foodcourt was playing this movie. It was freaking awesome. Brilliant.

How long has it been since my last update? I have no idea myself. I just logged in here without checking my last entry. It's been more than a week for sure.

So what's been going on?

Nothing. Work. Play. Hang out. Contemplate buying things from the PC fair but decided not to. Except for an 8gb flash drive. I needed one of those.

Life is like that. Just that. And I'm grateful for the boring routine. At least it's safe. No one gets hurt.

I was thinking about writing about how time flies and how it's the end of the year again. But I'm not going to do that in depth. Time does fly. And yet, December last year felt like a whole lifetime ago. How things change so fast. And yet, it doesn't feel like it's so much different. Perhaps I'm feeling jaded again?

I expect next year to fly by even faster. I also expect next year to be far less traumatic and far more boring. But by writing that down, I've just ensured that something weird will happen didn't I? Fate is a fickle beast. I know that much.

So tomorrow I don't have to work in the morning. I got called in this morning but due to some things absolutely nothing happened. Oh well...

At least I enjoyed the PC fair.

Here's hoping my next update won't take so long to post.

Another Late Update

2009-11-17T09:26:00.003+08:00

2012. Lots of smoke. Lots of fire. Not so much bang.

I watched this on Saturday night. It was... ok. There's not need to discuss the plot, story, whatever. It's a typical Roland Emmerich movie. Unfortunately, it didn't have the humor of Independence Day. And it has even more unnecessary family drama fluff than The Day After Tomorrow.

I'm not sure what exactly is missing but the other two movies I mentioned were easier to watch somehow.

Or maybe it's just me. I actually know what Earth crustal displacement and polar shift are. I have books on the subject. That's a problem sometimes when you watch a movie about something you know. Something comes up on screen and you can't help but think,"Wait... That would never happen."

Oh well. Anyway, 2012 is a harmless, fluff movie with some decent special effects.

In other news, this week is rather quiet here. Work is quieter than last week. Last week was mad. Two big events and I got so tired I had to take leave on Friday. Thankfully, there is nothing huge happening this week.

No thanks to last week's event fueled madness, I had no free time and I didn't go out much at all. Thankfully, I had a certain sports management sim to keep me busy...

Don't worry, I won't be writing about FM2010 today. Except maybe to say that it's officially event more addictive than FM2007.

So there we are. Things aren't brilliant at the moment but things are definitely not so bad. Especially considering what was going to happen to me this time last year.

No Time Right Now

2009-11-08T17:35:00.003+08:00

Like I was saying last post, I am busy this week. Very busy.

First, there's work. A lot of things are happening this week and I'm working through the weekend. At least the overtime is good so it's ok.

Then there is FM2010! Oh yes. How brilliant is that piece of gaming software. I've been playing it like hell and it's all I expected it to be.

It's a difficult game though. But it's so very addictive.

So far I'm discovering the joys of international management with Ivory Coast. It's great. In the same game I also manage AS Roma. Did well enough last season and finished 4th. Not so good this season. All because of a falling out with a player. Morale went down and 4 straight league losses later (including 1-3 to Livorno. Livorno!! At Home!!), the offending player got sent off on loan some where and everything was fine again in the dressing room. Unbeaten in 5 Serie A so far and slowing getting up the table. But,..

..we're still in 12th place, the boss isn't happy and my job status with Roma is "very insecure". A first FM2010 firing on the cards?

I really should start an FM blog shouldn't I...

November

2009-10-28T00:01:00.002+08:00

I'm about to get very, very busy next week. Some big things are going on next month. Things are picking up at work.

On top of the extra activity there are some other things that got sorted out this week which will make everyone feel better.

No much on the personal front though. Still playing the FM2010 demo. Still breathlessly waiting for it to come out this weekend.

It's nice to have such simple needs. I remember it used to be so much more complicated with all kinds of drama going on.

Of course, the other big thing that happened was September 16th being declared a public holiday from next year. About time, I'm happy about that. I got myself in the paper too with some comments.

It's quiet. But it's pretty ok so far. So I don't have much to complain about, unfortunately. And I don't have many meaningful things to write about either.

The muse is very quiet these days...

The Beautiful Game

2009-10-19T11:49:00.004+08:00

....is...BEAUTIFUL!

Attention! This post is about a game. If you would like to skip all my ranting and frothing in the mouth you may scroll down to the last paragraph and read the summary. Thank you.

I downloaded the demo for this last week and I've been playing it to death, trying to find out whether anything isn't working properly. My conclusion is FM2010 is so fantastically awesome it's beyond belief.

If you are a football fan I URGE you to try this game out. You WILL love it!

As good as FM2009 was, it had some problems that turned off a lot of people. For me personally, these would include the broken Italian Serie A transfers and Italian lower league problems. The game's tactical side didn't really work as well as I wanted it to either. It was tricky and a lot of people who used to play FM casually stopped playing it. Which is sad.

Other things that bothered me a lot is how many clubs in the game world don't retain their players. As a result as time when on, the AI squads would get smaller and smaller especially in the lower leagues. Another thing I hated was some leagues were just... broken. Especially the financial part of it. I like to try and play in different parts of the world and I couldn't get in to it due to some of these leagues not set up properly.

As one can imagine these problems caused a storm on the SIGames forums and apparently, the game devs took notice and made improvements. And improve they did!

I want to note down and write EVERYTHING that I loved about the demo but that would make this post huge! So I'm just going to write the more important ones.

Where do I start? Tactics would be a good place. Last time, when I wanted to change something I go into the tactics section and move many, many sliders that control things like width, tempo, defensive line etc. This goes for player instructions too like tackling and closing down and creative freedom and runs etc etc.

Those sliders are gone in FM2010. Instead, there are drop down menus with general instructions and strategies all written in plain English. So, if I want my team to play a high line and close down our opponents more.. I just tell them that. No more fiddling with damn sliders. Same goes for player instructions. If I want let's say, Leo Messi to run at defenders more or sit back and be a play maker or be a deep striker I just tell him that via a pull down menu. No need to set sliders anymore!

And these instructions WORK! I SEE them being executed in the new, improved match engine. Words fail to describe how much I love this new tactical interface! With this, I done things like change formation during a match, change player roles and duties from attacking to supporting to defending, subbed in extra strikers/defenders/midfielders etc. You know... like an actual football match in real life.

I never bothered before because previously it would take too much work to do it.

Now it's easy! It feels like... coaching a football team instead of playing a computer game! I could go on and on and on but the new tactics part of the game is a giant leap forward, nuff said.

A new FM player will be able to get in to the game immediately and start coaching his team instead of learning what all the fricking sliders do.

The 3D match engine is improved as well. It looks better and smoother now, the AI plays better football and looks even more real.

They fixed Italian Serie A! Woot!! And lower league teams aggressively recruit players! The finances of small teams are now logically set up!

The backroom staff talk to you now! They make suggestions on everything! Tactics, player interactions, the team's strengths and weaknesses. Your physio reports back regularly about injuries! Your scouts proactively make suggestions on players to look for!

Non useless backroom staff! I love it!

Media has improved too. So has hundreds of other small, small things. Like the customizable tool bar on top of the page! And the speed of the game has improved yet again. I've managed to play 25 matches in one go in a little more than half a day on Saturday. That's...... FASTER than FM2009!

The next feature I'm itching to try out is the editor which will come out together with the game. You now can create and edit your own league and cup competitions. This will include activating leagues and cups that are already in the game database but are not officially licensed.

Many people have already stated that they want to do things like activate and manage in leagues like England lower leagues, Italy Serie D, USL (US leagues) etc. I also might try activating leagues in Africa (Egypt!) and the middle east (UAE, Saudi Arabia). And sooner or later someone will create a database for J-League! I know they will.

So yeah, I'm really looking forward to this. I went and checked for all the things that used to bother me in FM2009 and all those things are gone. I'm going to get all my friends to play this especially those who got turned off by FM2009.

To summaries, FM2010 is a giant improvement and will be the best Football Manager game EVER. Strong points are the new, very user friendly tactical interface, the improved match engine and 3D, improved processing speeds, improved staff interaction, improved media, improved AI squad management, improved transfers and improved finances. The game editor will be awesome and I can't wait to try it out!

I hope these improvements will make long term career games viable again!

So if you like football, play FM2010.

Edit: Oooh, I forgot! New tactical element. Touchline instructions! Now instead off shouting at your monitor you can shout orders to your players! I love it!

Demo!

2009-10-15T19:25:00.002+08:00

I'm downloading the FM2010 demo this very minute. I'm excited.

There isn't much else to talk about at the moment, unfortunately. Life is as it is. One minor thing though. At work, I have my own cube now unlike before where I had to share my space with 4 other people. Perhaps I should think about a little decoration to make it look a bit more lively?

Something to think about this week.

Things that Didn't Happen

2009-10-08T19:39:00.004+08:00

...like my blog post yesterday. I forgot. And some crazed people from a neighbouring country were supposed to invade today weren't they? I was looking at the sky expecting some spear armed paratroopers to descend and they would somehow win, forcing us to go underground and form a partisan unit ala Red Dawn.

I'm so sad to note that some blogs I follow have disappeared suddenly. It's too bad. Now I have to find more to replace them. This is hard since I don't really follow the so-called blogging scene these days.

The weather has been quite nice these days. I got me thinking, since when did people equate rain with nice weather? And who else thinks this way?

I have a sudden craving for Japanese food.

I also have cravings for new games. Unfortunately, most of the ones I want aren't coming out anytime soon. At least FM2010 is out the end of this month. That should be a blast. I've been following it's progress on the MirrorFootball FM blog and I'm liking what I see.

Things are pretty good so far in everyday life. I'm pleased, more or less. Things are rapidly accelerating at work and in the coming weeks I'm going to be quite busy.

I just hope this lack of drama will last at least until the end of this year. So, does anyone have any good blogs to recommend?

By the way, a little bit of advise here. To prevent your blogs, mail and other cyber real estate from being hacked and hijacked, a strong password is a great start. 12345 isn't a strong password. Neither is "password". And same goes for your name, phone number etc.

A strong password looks something like Pa5sW0Rd!!. The longer the better. The more funny characters the better. Even spaces will work. That way, at least it'll be more resistant to brute force attacks.

So ends this week's public service announcement.

Ahh

2009-09-30T23:46:00.003+08:00

I'm tired.

We've been having fire training at work over the last few days and it was very tiring. But it was fun.

Fun.

That would be a good word to use this week. I've been having it a lot.

I wanted to post about Need for Speed Shift actually. But I'm so tired, I'm going to put it off until some other time. For the moment, let's just say that it's bloody brilliant and I can't stop playing it.

The in car view is back and it's beautiful. Not only that, other graphics related things as well. At max detail it's mind blowing. Even the plastic and leather parts of the interior look real. Very real.

The game has 50+ cars and each one's interior is properly modeled. It even has working gauges.

Talking about fun, last night I went to visit Aida. She's fun. So much fun in fact, I'm surprised I don't hang out with her more often.

I should do something about that...

Let's hope the fun will continue this week.

Move Along

2009-09-23T08:02:00.005+08:00

Once upon a time, I mentioned that this place was a refuge from the world and life and the trouble they bring. This was a place for me to rant and rave and complain and dump all the toxic things that were going on in my life.

Notice the past tense.

I guess one reason why I don’t post much anymore is I haven’t really needed to. I haven’t really needed to run or hide from anything for awhile now.

Not that the troubles are gone of course. They are there. It's just that they don't seem so... troubling anymore.

That’s one of those things about growing older. Gradually things that used to matter a lot, didn’t matter that much anymore. Gradually, letting go of things got easier. Gracefully surrender the things of youth. I understand what that means now.

Or perhaps I’m just being cynical again? I’d like to think that I’ve become more realistic. Or something. Or perhaps I've become a broken record. I know I've written about something like this before.

No, I’m not closing this blog down although the thought did cross my mine. How could I after all these years and all the good that it’s done for me.

After all, I still need a place to squee over some new game or write about the trivial things that I do. It's already like that actually. For awhile now too. And who knows, I might still need to vent once in a while.

So there it is, this week’s post. I really should try to post more than once a week.

Hope your week will be good too.

46

2009-09-16T19:08:00.004+08:00

As usual around this time of year, I post something to commemorate what should be our actual national day. Sure, sure, The Powers That Be has given it the name Malaysia Day and insist that our country is 52 years old. Which is kind of odd when you think that if you hop into a time machine and went back to 1962 and asked people about Malaysia, nobody would know what you are banging on about.

Just like many people don't know what the hell is the big deal with 16th of September.

Of course, there are people who try to explain the rationale behind the date and age discrepancy. Whatever it is, all the different explanations sound the same. They sound like lame excuses.

Anyway, whatever. Official or not, the important this is that WE remember. It's not like anyone wants to take the very big trouble of changing things like these anyway.

And we can be grateful because despite all the issues and problems we still have at least we don't have to deal with the kind of bigoted, racist and political bullshit that's happening the other side of the country. I'll always remember that.

So happy anniversary Sarawak, and may we maintain our way of life and all those things that make Sarawak and Sarawakians special.

Finally, a note on the song above. That's the old state anthem. The new one is this one. I like the old one better.

Oops

2009-09-10T07:43:00.002+08:00

I would've posted yesterday but I got caught up playing Hawx. It's not bad. At least I got something to use my joystick with.

Had good trip over the weekend. Went out to Kpg Semukoi with some friends to attend a funeral. It's about an hour past Serian. Long drives can be fun sometimes. We might be doing something like that this weekend too.

We're attending some training at work. Very, very interesting.

I would write more but people are starting to come in to the office already. It's been a pretty good week so far.

Low Octane

2009-09-02T22:57:00.004+08:00

It's Wednesday again so it's time to post something. If only I had something interesting to write about...

Anyway, I've been using that new RON95 fuel ever since it was available in August. It's ok so far. I don't notice any big difference. Only a slight loss of power but that might be because of the old engine rather than the fuel.

Already, I'm hearing nasty rumours about how the thing is going to ruin your vehicle and all that. Another example of grapevine inspired paranoia is all. The new fuel is only slightly lower octane than the old Super so it's very, very unlikely to do anything bad to your car. I did have a question about cleanliness but since then I've read that all the gas companies are adding cleaning additives to it so I'm not so worried.

Still, it's very early so things could still happen.

Another thing, these days everytime I read the paper or watch the news on TV my first reaction is usually skepticism. Even mundane things. I wonder where that came from...

I've been playing Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood lately. Very, very nice. I'm quite surprised by how fun a spagetti western based shooter could be. I wished the story was longer. I'm thinking an Fallout 3 like open ended cowboys-n-indians era RPG shooter would be a really good idea actually. I hope a game like this would appear someday soon.

Talking about appearing soon, FM2010 will be out at the end of October. Can't wait for that one. And when in the Hell is Diablo 3 going to come out?!

It's September already. Time flies by so fast when you're getting old...

Not So Much to Write About

2009-08-26T19:40:00.004+08:00

It's Wednesday and it's time to blog once again. Not much to talk about.

A certain "femes" blogger will be visiting my place of work this week along with some other slightly less "femes" bloggers. Hopefully they will enjoy themselves.

Today is payday! Except there was a problem at the bank so, no pay yet. Good thing we don't have to pay for lunch.

I'm starting to play guitar again. I'm so rusty it's not even funny. But Tears in Heaven is slowly coming back to me...

And finally, a documentary celebrating the 25th anniversary of Blackadder. Here is part 1. Follow the related videos panel for the rest of it.

Tabula Rasa

2009-08-19T23:32:00.003+08:00

I'm not one for regrets these days although one could argue that I do in fact have a lot to regret. But for the most part, past things are buried where they should be. In the past. It's easier these last few weeks with my formerly messed up life hurtling back towards normalcy. I say hurtling because it feels like everything is settling down very quickly. Almost as if the last nine months never happened. Almost.

I saw some old college photos a Facebook friend and a former classmate put up. I wasn't in those photos. My friends and old mates were in them. Even my former room mate was there.

For that one quick moment, I cringed. I remembered how things were. Even worse than that, I remembered how I was.

Boy was I a freak then. My old friends would probably think that's a harsh word to use. But lets face it, I was very troubled then. Surely that was obvious.

If I could go and wipe myself, the things I said and the things I did from the memory of all those people I met then I would.

At least that way, if I bump into them now I'd have a clean slate. At least I wouldn't have to proof to anyone that I'm not weird anymore.

Then I snapped out of it and got on with the rest of the work day. Thank goodness for busy days at the office...

I Thought of a Good Title but I Forgot What it Was

2009-08-12T08:20:00.001+08:00

I have a confession. I haven't really felt any real need to blog in a while now. At least ever since I started working again. I've been doing very well and I've been enjoying it. We had an event over the weekend and from the technical side everything went well. My friends who I hang out with will know that.

The relative lack of personal drama is playing a large part in my not blogging much. Not that I want any that is.

I learnt something over the last few weeks. I learnt that I deal with work related stresses much better than I handle personal anxiety.

Meanwhile, I was bored last night so I messed around with Windows Media Player and uploaded a song to YouTube. It's a very, very good song too. It's down here.

It's been a good week so far and I hope it'll stay that way.

August Heatwave

2009-08-04T21:06:00.003+08:00

Some people don't get why I like t.A.T.u so much considering how most of the music I like is more... jangly. They were "manufactured" too. I hate "manufactured" bands. I don't get why I like them so much either. It's definitely not that faux lesbian phase they went through when they first came on scene. I didn't like them immediately anyway. It took awhile for me to get interested.

I like them a lot. Especially the song in the video. I think it's brilliant. And songs like 30 minutes. And their other stuff. Especially the ones that weren't singles. I even like their russian stuff.

It's too bad that they decided to "take a break". Hope they come back soon.

Meanwhile back in the real world, things are hotting up. El Nino is back along with the haze and the heatwave and uncomfortably warm nights. This weekend, we will be having our first public event at work. I'll be on evening duty.

So long week ahead. But hopefully a good one.

One After Another... They All Fade Away

2009-07-31T19:29:00.003+08:00

Bobby Robson

18 February 1933 – 31 July 2009

Gubra

2009-07-27T21:38:00.005+08:00

For those people who haven't watched Gubra you can watch it now, starting with part 1 below:-

Mukhsin is there too.

You can also go into the user channel and watch Gerak Khas the movie... Hehe.. Also available are other good old stuff like Ali Setan. I like that movie.

Ooh, and Hati Bukan Kristal which is also really, really good.

PS: This guy also posted a lot of Malay movies. I think I wrote about watching Leftenan Adnan from his list.

Irreplaceable

2009-07-26T13:29:00.007+08:00

Yasmin Ahmad, July 1, 1958 - July 24, 2009

Taken from us much too soon

We'll miss you

Ancient Music II

2009-07-22T22:05:00.003+08:00

I've not heard this one in literally decades. Classic 80s style.. They don't make music like this anymore.

Life Seeps Back

2009-07-20T21:01:00.003+08:00

I had a great time last weekend. It was really the best weekend I've had in a very long time. Considering that it was in fact a rather mild weekend by most people's standards would tell you how hard things have been before this.

The weekend was great because I felt free for the first time in a long time. It felt like I escaped from a trap and can finally have a life again. Feeling alive is great.

I went to this rather cosy place near Wisma Hopoh, called Ileq-Ileq. It was pretty cool what with the it's simple decor and seemingly random people coming up to this little stage to play songs. Apparently, anyone can come up and perform. A novel idea. I forgot to take pictures of the place. Even if I did I probably won't post them. I feel so lazy to break out the card reader when I'm at my PC at home. Only when I blog with my laptop would I be inclined to post pictures. Anyway...

The day before day I went to Zest again for dinner. Was out the whole day in fact. The night before that I was at Kopitiam No. 6 at Jalan Song. Another nice place.

While all this was happening, I had to try and repair a PC which I couldn't in the end due to a borked mainboard. No choice but to buy a new one. Talking about borked, my lappy battery is on it's last legs. A replacement will cost about 265 bucks. Maybe later this year.

This morning I woke up and felt really good. Like something good was going to happen. My flu being gone might have contributed to the general good feelings.

A lot of people got sick last week. It's been ridiculously hot recently.

In other news, Candy has a new album out. Being an independent outfit means that their new material is hard to find. If I do get around to getting it, it will be the first original CD I buy since forever. They deserve the money so I'm going to get it when I can.

That's it for today. Here's hoping for a nice week. And some rain.

Ancient Music

2009-07-20T00:31:00.002+08:00

The Flame - Cheap Trick

This song will never grow old.

Murphy

2009-07-16T20:05:00.002+08:00

In my life thus far, I have learnt many lessons. Many of which run contrary to the cliches and axioms that we keep hearing.

One of these is the following:-

Plans do not survive contact with the enemy.

Some people might not see the point there. It's a military thing. A commander who makes plans for battle must be aware that more often than not, unexpected external factors come into play. A good plan must be flexible and have enough redundancy to survice last minute changes and unexpected developements else the commander may find himself caught out by them.

I've seen this happen time and time again in recent weeks. And unlike some people, I'm not the least bit surprised when weird things happen.

Safe and Sound

2009-07-15T12:37:00.003+08:00

I should have posted something yesterday since it was my birthday and all that. But I couldn't since I got flu over the weekend and am still recovering from that.

Been busy all week too. It's been good so far. Careerwise I think working here at my new place will do me a lot of good in the long term. I'm enjoying the experience and there are new things every day. It's an entirely different industry from where I was from so it's going to be interesting to see what other things I might encounter in the future.

Things are looking up and I intend to keep it that way.

Personally, things have improved as well over the last few weeks. My confidence level is back up. I'm enjoying myself doing something I enjoy. I don't feel any more side effects from the last nine months.

I still have my finances to sort out so I won't be able to spend as much as I used to. I think it will take at least 6 months before that becomes normal again.

Hopefully this next year of life things will rebound from where they were before. So cheers to the future then.

Useful Link

2009-07-06T19:14:00.001+08:00

Speedtest.net. Very cool.

I just got home and am a little tired. Need to fix the car this week.

Need to eat now.

Short Post

2009-07-02T21:40:00.004+08:00

Maybe I should get a Twitter account. I've had the urge to write things recently but they're all short things. Not enough to make a good sized post.

Anyway, it's been a tough but good week so far. I'm still trying to find my feet at work but things are beginning to settle and I feel more comfortable now. I'm learning new stuff at work. Some very interesting stuff about voip. Very interesting. I have absolutely no experience with it. I've never even seen an IP phone before this week.

Since I'm in the IT department, I'm going to have to learn fast since I'm going to help with maintaining and administrating the thingies and the underlying infrastructure. Which is completely alien to me at this point.

That's one of them prerequisites of being in IT. Learn fast(er). Especially newfangled technologies because users are going to expect you to know things when they come to you for help. It's not so bad really. If your theoretical knowledge is ok and your logic is sound it's not so hard to pick up new things in IT. Except in my case, programming. I still find it extremely mind boggling. I've never had the knack for it.

So that's the way things are going to be for the time being. There will be more unknown new stuff for me to handle soon.

So far so good.

Swamped

2009-07-01T13:22:00.001+08:00

I want to blog. But I don't have time!

Semi Coherent Philosophical Post

2009-06-27T01:04:00.004+08:00

Unlike last night, I'm feeling very tired and sleepy. Also unlike last night, I won't talk about work tonight. The only thing I'll say is I'm glad the week is out. It a hard week. But in a good way.

I feel like writing about random things. Things that crossed my mind in the last few minutes. So this post is not going to be about anything specific. I haven't had the urge to ramble in a long time. I kinda miss it.

I like to read random blogs sometimes and there are things that make me shake my head and sigh. Things like anonymous people leaving nasty comments on other people's blogs. Especially if the post is a happy shiny one. It's just very..... unseemly to do such a thing.

Actually, I get it. It's part of our human nature to be envious. There are times when it's hard to see good things happening to other people. Why wouldn't it be hard? There be times when you put in the effort and try your best only to lose out to someone else who just shows up at the last minute. It's hard to accept that other people enjoy better luck than you. Especially when you feel more deserving of said good luck.

It's like playing for Hull City in the Premier League. You turn out, pumped up with all that blood and thunder. Then you lose badly to a top side playing at half pace while they save themselves for a midweek Champions League game. Everyone loves winners but how many of us actually try to empathise with people who lose despite their best efforts.

It's easy to be bitter. I'm was an expert at being bitter. Just read my past blog entries. Especially those laments about failed attempts at building a relationship.

Being the expert that I was (or am?), I also understand that envy isn't always malicious. It isn't always about bringing someone down. Most of the time, it's about ourselves and the envy is just a manifestation of the unhappines we feel about our own state of being.

There may actually be a good point or two in here somewhere. One of those points would be, it helps to understand where envy comes from. If you are feeling envious, the cause might be something happening in your life instead of whatever/whoever is the object of that envy. So envy should be treated as a flag. Or an error message. Or a warning in your personal event viewer. Something is wrong somewhere and you should go look for it.

The other thing I thought about was youth.

Ah to being young again. I remember that vaguely. Holding on to ideals about life and love and things like that. Having dreams and having your whole life ahead of you. So much enthusiasm. So much hope. What could possibly go wrong?

Then real life happens. Then you find out that many of the platitudes people keep saying to us are complete and utter bollocks.

I worry sometimes when I read hopeful, enthusiastic posts written by teenagers and young adults about their plans, their "perfect" love life, the dream job that they will surely land when they leave uni etc.

Our parents and older relatives usually fail to mention that life is cruel and cold and bad things happen no matter how good you are or how hard you work, that evil, nasty people get rich and prosper not inspite of their ways but because of it. That life is unfair.

Sure, they will probably say that you have to work hard, struggle etc. But that's not even close to how dark and nihilistic things can be. I guess it's hard to put into words without sounding discouraging. Maybe that's why.

Things happen and people break. Then they feel envious of people who zoom past them in life. Get more money doing things they love. Get married to beautiful people. Have families. While they are stuck in a shitty dead end job that doesn't pay and remain undateably single despite their own efforts.

For those kids who are going to be broken by the world (and this WILL happen to some people like it or not), I can only hope that they have support from strong families or good friends. They're going to need it.

No, this post isn't about me. Maybe it's about what USED to be me. I'm pretty chipper this week. I don't have most of the things that I wished for but I'm pretty ok with that now. If life is a poker game then I didn't get a good hand. But what choice does one have but to keep on playing?

I got lucky this week. Who knows when I'll get lucky again? Probably not so soon. Even as good things happen in my life, I'm looking over the shoulder bracing myself for disaster. I guess I got used to it after all the things that I've been through.

Sorry for the babblefest. Just felt like writing is all.

Have a good weekend.

The Beginning of the Beginning

2009-06-26T00:17:00.004+08:00

I can't sleep yet. So I blog.

I haven't watched Transformers 2 yet. If I'm in the mood (and have enough energy left) I might go tomorrow night. Alone if necessary. Then I can watch it again the next day in the afternoon. I already promised someone to go with anyway.

I'm using IE 8 right now. Been having this problem with Firefox recently where the browser would stop receiving data and display an error saying can't open web page. I'd have to restart my router to fix it only to have it happen again 1-2 hours later.

IE 8 is actually not so bad.

Tomorrow will mark the end of my first week at work. It's been ok so far. A bit more tiring then I thought it would be. There were some very big surprises and some things that weren't so surprising.

The organisation that I'm working for is very new and not even fully operational yet so there are a lot of unknowns left to discover when we open for business not long from now. Since everything is in preparation mode, I have quite a number of things to deal with some of which will be very, very important. I'm not complaining. Far from it, I'm quite happy with it. It's a step up for sure.

My boss took me aside one day and told me what he was expecting from me and also told me that I could move up if I do well enough. I could actually end up in a position usually reserved for degree holders if things work out. That thought scares me and intrigues me at the same time. The responsibilities will be larger than I'm used to.

In my last job, I went it and everything was already there. Infrastructure, policies etc. All I had to do was fix broken things and run operations. This time those things don't even exist yet. What we have right now are drawings, plans and a half finished building somewhere, which I have to go to to inspect a few things. Yes, in my first week. I've been involved in some discussions and the thought of having some of my input being used in planning is a very strange thought.

Another nice thing this week. When my boss took me aside to describe my potential job scope (yes that's right, things are so new not even my job scope is fully fleshed out yet), he also told me why he pulled me in to join him there. It was very flattering to hear those things. I didn't expect the stuff I did as a lowly hardware technician to leave that kind of impression.

So fingers crossed. When things go down in the coming weeks, let's hope I don't have stage fright and freeze up. If I do well, I'll be quite successful here.

Normal Again

2009-06-22T20:10:00.004+08:00

I just got home from my first day at work about 90 minutes ago. It was alright. Got eased in to what I should be doing (which is a lot by the looks of it), met up with some old colleagues in the IT department and discovered more people who used to work with the old company. That helped. There wasn't much of a culture shock to speak off.

Except for the fact that I've not been working for 9 months. It was weird in a sense but in a good way.

Since there was quite a bit to do the day went by quite quickly which is always nice. My work hours are pretty good too. I start at 9 which means the worse of the morning rush hour is almost gone by the time I move to work. I get off at 6 and again the traffic isn't too bad.

So far it's been ok and I hope I'll enjoy it. The pay isn't too hot but I'm getting a little more than I used to and there's always a chance to move up since the company is new and isn't fully operational yet. Plus, normal (as in no graveyard shift) hours. I also get my weekends and public holidays now. It's going to be nice to live like a normal person for a change.

After 9 months of drama, uncertainty and frustrations, boring and safe routine is going to feel quite good. Hopefully the rest of the year will turn out like that.

Edit: It just occured to me that I've used the title Normal Again before in a previous post. Oh noes, does this mean I'm running out of titles to use? Will I start reusing all my previous post titles?

Reboot

2009-06-18T16:58:00.006+08:00

It's done. I can start getting my life back now.

Funny story. What with all this time waiting around and the anxiety and the rude people calling me and other less rude people NOT calling me sooner, the whole thing got settled down in 10 minutes. Some people took it for granted that I would automatically choose the job with more money. I didn't choose based on money alone. Some people are upset.

Funnier story, while I was talking about choosing between two jobs a lot of people said it's "up to me". Ok since it was up to me, I made some phone calls, thought about it and made a choice. Apparently, the meaning of the phrase "it's up to me" is lost on some people. So some people are upset.

I understand why they're upset. Some people went and did my paperwork and that took some effort to do (and of course they did all this without informing me or asking me what I wanted to do actually).

So what is the lesson here? One, you shouldn't make assumptions. Especially assumptions about people's choices. Especially about something as important as work.

Two, if you tell someone that something is up to them then you really shouldn't be shocked when they actually make a choice. It's up to them. Not up to you. If you don't want them to make a choice that isn't the same as yours then you really shouldn't tell them it's up to them.

I'm partly relieved and partly mildly disappointed. I hate to upset people and it kills me when I'm faced with a decision that might cause any upset. The choice between doing something that I think is right for me but might upset people or doing what pleases people but might upset me is not something that I don't want to face very often.

Anyway, today I made my choice. I feel I made a good choice and some people are just going to have to accept that.

And also, today I hope to close the book on what's been an absolutely disastrous nine months. I have a lot of work to do to make up for lost time.

Oh yes, this also means I can get back to blogging about meaningless trivial things again.

Hindsight

2009-06-13T10:47:00.002+08:00

I was reading old blog posts the other night. That's one of things about having a blog, it helps with remembering what things used to be like. Ups and downs. Things I used to do and say.

Once upon a time things were calm and despite the relative lack of excitement and drama, I was pretty content and happy. I wasn't rich or very popular or hugely successful but it was ok. I'm not particularly ambitious anyway. None of that mattered. What I used to have was more than enough. I just want contentment and happiness. That is all.

I want my old life back dammit.

I'll be one step closer to knowing on Monday. I went for an interview late yesterday evening. It went well enough but I'll only know for sure on Monday. As usual, I have a bad feeling. That's just probably due to a gradual loss of confidence over time. The last nine months have been quite confidence sapping what with so many things not working properly.

I want that to end. I would like to start rebuilding. And soon.

I am grateful for one thing though. I'm not feeling on top of the world right now but how much worse would things be if I didn't go to see a shrink and got "fixed" not too long ago? With the amount of stress I've had to deal with I'd probably gone completely mad. Or worse.

I thought about that. It's a good study in contrasts between then and now.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue testing and messing around in Free Realms. Not bad for a free MMO.

I Was Bored So...

2009-06-10T18:18:00.005+08:00

When I'm bored (and when I'm not fretting over things I can't control) I go and read stuff on the internet. Like the excellent Neatorama, a collection of err... neat finds from around the www.

Like this excellent electronica video based on the classic musical Mary Poppins:-

Check it out, it's great. The guy who created this mix has a whole collection of them.

I also decided to change to a "wider" blog template so that when I embed YouTube videos the video box won't overflow. The new template is also clean and easy to read I think. What do you think?

I might play around with the colours when I'm up to it. The present colours are fine but I may have one or two ideas to brighten it up.

New Buffy

2009-06-07T19:32:00.006+08:00

The trend these days is to reboot things isn't it? Batman, Star Trek, Bond, any number of old horror movies and slasher flicks have all been rebooted.

I'm pretty open minded about people taking some older works of fiction and rethinking it to suit contemporary tastes. But when I heard that a Buffy reboot is in the works I initially thought, WHAT!!? WHY reboot?! What's wrong with the old Buffy?? Why don't they just do a Buffy movie using the TV series time line? Or even do a Fray movie?

Then I went outside for awhile and after calming down a bit I'm deciding that this is actually a very interesting idea. Unfortunately, people who don't follow the Buffyverse will probably feel like they're watching an Underworld or Blade clone.

If done properly, viewers will notice that this is not the case at all.

The idea and concept of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is very, very different. The Buffyverse is all about subverting tropes and stereotypes, under the creative leadership of Joss Whedon anyway.

Whoever is going to develop the new Buffy franchise had better get this right especially since Joss Whedon will not be involved with it to my dismay. I hope it doesn't end up being your typical vampire movie. It should be a vampire movie with all the normal conventions turned on its head. This is the core of the Buffy universe. This was what made the TV series so much fun to watch.

From what I read so far, the new timeline with have little to do with the Buffy that we know and love. There will be no SMG. No Giles. No Scooby Gang. No Angel. No Spike. From what I've read so far, the intention is to make the film darker.

Which is quite good provided they stay faithful to the idea and point of the whole Buffy story. A darker Buffy might draw a larger fanbase and that is a good thing.

So now we arrive at a very important question. Who on earth is going to play Buffy and can she be as good as Sarah Michelle Gellar?

Any ideas?

Flash

2009-06-07T00:37:00.003+08:00

I've been having a tense few days, agonising over which way to go career-wise. Some people say I should take one way and some other people say I should take the other way. Being split in half is difficult to handle.

Something occurred to me just now on my way home from a night out with friends.

Part of the tension is caused by my fear of upsetting people whose opinions I value. The trouble now is that whichever direction I choose, there will be people who have the right to be unhappy with it. This is justified. If someone gives advise and suggestions that end up not being followed, it doesn't leave a very good impression to say the least.

Then it hit me. Ultimately this is my life and ultimately, I am the one who has to live with the consequences of whatever decision I make. Therefore, I should be making decisions based on what I feel is good for me. Not based on whom I may or may not disappoint.

What I feel is good for me. That sounds incredibly selfish when you say it out loud particularly when other people have spent time and effort with well meaning help and advise. But in the end, you have to look out for number one and go with your instincts.

And my instincts say...

Well, remember that job offer I got the other day? There's been a slight delay. This delay is causing me some anxiety. I would prefer it if I knew the outcome soon so I can finally make a decision. Also, I can finally inform other people that I won't be available anymore.

What I'm saying is I need a decisive end to the quandary that I'm facing now. I don't do anxiety very well.

At least I have Sims 3 to fall back to while I wait..

Ooooohh....

2009-06-02T23:28:00.009+08:00

I checked out TSB.com.my just now and apparently, The Sims 3 is already out and available right now!

I also went and watched some gameplay videos and by God, it looks so so very sweet. I'm definitely playing this once I get around to getting it.

Another good thing is the size of the game. I was expecting a giant hard disk hog but apparently it only needs 6.1Gb of space despite all the content available. Relatively small for games these days. I have games that are between 8Gb and 14Gb in my computer so this is great news for me. No need to shell out on that new hard disk yet.

The best thing I've read about the new Sims game is now your entire neighbourhood is loaded and running when you load/start your game instead of only your house like in the previous Sims. That means you can go outside and do things like lepak with your neighbours or go to the gym or go shopping without loading a separate module. This will make the game run faster and feel more "real".

Awesome!

People might be wondering if their PCs can run the game so here's the recommended spec I got from Wiki.


Requirements
Operating System	Windows XP Service Pack 2 or Windows Vista Service Pack 1
CPU	Intel Pentium 4 or equivalent 2.0GHz (XP) 2.4GHz (Vista) [If built-in graphics chipsets then 2.6 GHz Pentium D CPU, or 1.8 GHz Core 2 Duo, or equivalent.]
Memory	1 GB (XP) 1.5GB (Vista)[If built-in graphics then add 0.5 GB additional RAM]
Hard Drive Space	6.1GB or more for extra content
Graphics Hardware	DirectX 9.0c compliant card with 128 MB RAM (NVIDIA FX 5900/ATI 9500 or better) and support for Pixel Shader 2.0
Sound Hardware	100% DirectX 9.0c compliant card

Not so bad and many of my friends will be able to run it. This means more things to talk about when we hang out!

Unfortunately, this game is not out for consoles yet but I read somewhere that console versions will appear sooner or later.

I'm going to write something about The Sims 3 again once I manage to get my hands on it.

Oh yeah, if people want to buy ori it will cost RM139 for the basic game and 169 for the Collector's Edition.

Lifting Clouds

2009-05-31T11:12:00.002+08:00

My old boss from my old company texted me this morning. He offered me an IT job!

Holy shit!

Half Done

2009-05-30T19:32:00.001+08:00

May is almost over. I'm glad.

Gawai is in a couple of days. I'm just going to take it easy. Most of the people I'd want to visit aren't here anyway.

Gawai is a celebration of thanks for a good harvest. Sad to say mine wasn't so good this year. Perhaps next Gawai I'll have more things to be grateful for.

In all this, at least I have my friends. No one could wish for better company.

Happy Gawai everyone.

Again?

2009-05-27T15:37:00.004+08:00

I'm not feeling very good right now. Remember how I got thrown off a barge last time? They say they want me back. I'm not sure exactly when. Could be tonight. Could be the end of next year. I don't particularly care at the moment.

I should be feeling pretty good but in fact I'm feeling very meh and a little bit pissed off actually. Why now? I would have felt better had they never considered wanting me back. At least I can close the door on that awful experience. I'm feeling some pressure now because if something goes wrong again people are really going to blame me for it regardless of whose fault it is.

I shouldn't be feeling so negative but how can I not? Stupid weird shit happens a lot in my life. Who's to say God himself won't ruin my life again just for laughs? It's not as if it's not happened before.

Nevertheless, necessity forces me to consider any kind of work that comes by at the moment. I remember making plans on my way out on that ill fated first trip a few weeks ago. This time, I don't think I'll do that anymore. Call me a pessimist but making long term plans sometimes feel like you're tempting fate.

So no change from last week. The wind blows and there will I be wherever is it. Whoever gives me work first is where I'll end up long term.

June is approaching and I really, really hope I get some kind of break for the second half of this year. The first half has been nothing but disastrous.

Still Nothing

2009-05-20T12:32:00.003+08:00

I need more ideas for more places to send my resume to. I've done it for all the usual places on the net. I've looked at the papers and as usual there is nothing there.

I've managed to cut my expenses down to almost nothing so the situation isn't very dire...yet. I have some support to manage my commitments. In fact, my biggest concern now is actually boredom.

I've also decided to expand my search to involve other fields like those involving translation and language work. Can't hurt to try now can it?

So how about oil and gas? Well, the whole failed urine test experience has left a really, really bad taste in my mouth. Every day I'm feeling less and less inclined to try again. I'm not sure if I can hack it working something that I don't really love doing despite the potential for good income. The bad initial experience does not help at all.

My first choice will always be to work with computers. That is what I do and what I'm good at.

Hopefully, the application I sent last week will bring some news. Heck, at this time even a rejection is better than no sound at all.

Starting All Over Again

2009-05-14T12:19:00.003+08:00

There was a power failure at my house yesterday evening. I got bored and went out. I drove around for awhile and ended up watching Star Trek by myself. It was nice.

I also prepared a job application late last night. There is a position available at a leading hotel here in Kuching. My mom helped send it this morning.

I hope something good will happen. After all that's been happening, I deserve a bit of luck. My family needs that bit of luck too. I've been nothing but a drain to them. They deserve better than this.

Will I go out to sea again? I don't know.

Since The Fates like to screw around with my life I'm just going to let them decide. Whichever job becomes available first that is where I'm going. If I get a job on land first then that's it. If I get another offer to go offshore before that, then I'm going.

Whatever happens, it can't screw up again. I'm not getting any younger and I can no longer waste time blundering around anymore. I hope The Powers That Be understand.

A Greek Tragedy

2009-05-13T09:52:00.003+08:00

...can be made out of the story of my life. Something terrible has happened again.

I failed a urine test on the barge. I tested positive for opiates. Opiates! How on earth did that get in my system!?

I arrive on the barge, go through the usual registration, induction etc, meet some of my new shipmates, pick up my gear and go to sick bay to do a urine test. Then I go to my bunk to rest until I report to my station.

Despite all that stuff I said earlier, I was actually stoked to be there finally. Then, the safety guy comes over and asks me to follow him. That was when the medic told me about the "problem".

None of us were happy about it so we decide to wait an hour and do it again. No good. Also positive.

I didn't know what to say. The medic and the safety told me they had no choice. There are regulations about these things. I knew. I understood. They asked me if I had taken any medication that might have opiates in them. No. I only took some seasickness tablets and those don't have morphine in them. I told them I don't do drugs. They believed me.

So where did the opiate in my system come from? Damned if I know. The medic shook my hand and apologized. He then signed the report and off I went. By the way, boat transfers at night are VERY nervy. Especially when the sea is choppy.

My entire first trip lasted all of 3 hours, not including the 21 hours I spent sitting in a crew boat getting there. The only upside was that when the rest of the crew found out they seemed genuinely shocked and sorry about it. Even the superintendent.

I'm not pissed off at any of them. This wasn't their fault.

Why do these things happen to me? First the Oz scam and now this? Who is responsible for these disasters that seem to beset me when I try to do things?

On the way back to land, the only thing I could think of was to clear my name. I make landfall and all my travel arrangements have been made. I fly out the next day to Miri to see my boss. That was on Monday. On Tuesday, I met him. I thought they were going to eat me alive. Instead, they were surprisingly calm. Even the biggest boss.

They told me what I already knew and accepted. The job is gone. They have a replacement flying out that very minute (and who happens to be a friend of mine too, so that's a good thing I suppose). The only thing they can do now is to clear things up. So they send me off to a clinic to do a more thorough test...

...which turned out negative. They are going to use this information to make some inquiries. They won't tell me what kind exactly.

I took the bus home from Miri last night. Lots of time to think on a 14 hour bus ride. I got in this morning and now I sit in front of my PC at home, not knowing exactly what to think or feel.

I'm just.... numb and shocked. And bewildered. And embarrassed. I made plans and I actually told people about it. What are they going to think of me now?

Everything was going great up until that urine test. It's just crazy. Opiates in my system. How? Or maybe the question should be, who? I don't want to speculate and play with conspiracy theories. I have a big enough headache already.

Why do these things happen to me? First the Oz trip and now this!?

In the bus, I thought to myself maybe this is a hint of some kind. Perhaps I was never meant to do "adventurous" things. Maybe it would be better for me if I just stuck to what I know and do best, fixing computers and other IT work.

There is no time to mope and feel sorry for myself. I have absolutely no money left. I need to find work. Any work. Right now.

ROTF

2009-05-08T00:46:00.002+08:00

The new Transformers 2 trailer is out. Damn. The movie's release seems like a whole lifetime away. I can barely wait for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_Veo0G2qfY

In Transit

2009-05-07T10:11:00.005+08:00

I had a rough day yesterday. Didn't get much sleep in the morning due to that phone call. I ran around all day preparing things and by 5 pm I was at the airport. I had the worst case of nerves you could imagine. The sweltering heat didn't help at all. Mercifully, it rained last night.

I feel much better this morning. A bit of food and a good night's sleep makes all the difference.

Anyway, the original plan was for me to check out and leave tonight but not 30 seconds ago I received a call telling me that I'm going off tomorrow instead. That probably means there isn't enough time to do all my paperwork today. Which is ok I guess. Could use some more rest.

I'm in a hotel in Geylang right now. I'm going to have to find something to do today. I could go out and explore but to be honest, I don't feel all that touristy at the moment.

I'm not much of a traveler. I don't feel all that comfortable in strange places. Takes a bit of time for me to get used to new settings. Especially when I'm all alone like now. That is my peeve today, the fact that I'm completely alone with no one to talk to. Maybe I'll take a walk later and come back in the evening to surf the net.

Can you imagine how hard this would have been without access to the internet? I would die of boredom.

Anyway, while I'm still kind of anxious I'm not nearly as fearful as I was yesterday. I'm guessing this was caused by the initial shock of the hey-you're-leaving-today-get-your-stuff-ready phone call and the lack of sleep.

Have I ever mentioned how I hate surprises? At least this thing is real unlike that Oz scam I got caught up in. That experience was very damaging for me in terms of confidence and morale. I blame that for the excessive amounts bad emotions and thoughts I've been having in the days leading up to yesterday. If it weren't for that I would be way more confident and be raring to go instead.

At least I'm feeling much more positive today. Barring any disasters I should be able to fit in with my new colleagues. I hope things will be ok once I get out to sea in the next one or two days. I hope I'll do well and maybe even enjoy the experience.

Whatever happens this is something new and exciting for me.

EDIT: Something happened a minute ago that is equally surprising and irksome at the same time. I received mail from another offshore contractor telling me that they had received my resume and now they want my other documents (seaman book, certs etc). I laughed. I've always felt that The Fates like to mess with me and this is them doing it again. Where was this job offer two weeks ago? Funny thing is, I don't remember sending them my resume in the 1st place. Oh well... When it rains it pours.

Maybe I should ask them how much they pay?

Time to Go

2009-05-06T08:30:00.003+08:00

Apparently, I'm going to Singapore this evening. I've been warned about this but it's still a bit sudden.

Fears and anxiety notwithstanding, it's now. By this time tomorrow, I'll be at sea. Wish me luck. My biggest peeve is that I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone.

Hopefully, 2 months from now I'll be a much happier person.

I have a plan. If all goes well, I'll work this job 4, maybe 5 years. I have a financial target. If I meet that target, I'll quit. If all goes well, I'll never have to work for a living again after that.

Financial freedom. I'll sacrifice 5 years of my life in exchange for the rest of my life. That's the motivation now.

Dollhouse

2009-05-02T21:34:00.006+08:00

After Buffy and Angel, I don't watch much tv related material anymore. Not even Heroes although I feel it's really, really good from the few episodes I did manage to watch.

However, I might start following Dollhouse regularly. Why?

It's a Joss Whedon created Mutant Enemy product. Joss Whedon is awesome and I'm always interested in what he does. The show's premise is fascinating. The lead is Eliza Dushku, one of my favourite exBuffy/Angel people. She also produces the show. Amy Acker also plays a minor recurring role.

I've seen some teasers and recaps and I like what I'm seeing. I hope Fox renews it for a second season. I'm going to hunt for episodes tonight.

Here's a recap from Youtube. (Spoiler alert).

Gaga Does Coldplay

2009-05-01T01:11:00.006+08:00

I find it a bit odd that she chooses to wrap her voice with all that electronic pop stuff in debut album. I mean listen to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOEVKL0y1lQ

Lady Gaga Coldplay cover. She's a good pianist no?

*Can't embed video. The widescreen format spills over the post column.

Edit: Another nice video. Paparazzi i.e my favourite track from The Fame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP8SrlbpJ5A (Piano acoustic)

Nothing to Say

2009-04-30T15:15:00.003+08:00

Like the title says. Nothing of note to write about.

A few days ago I had this weird craving for Yeo's Chicken Curry. The one in the can. God knows why.

Apart from that random piece of information there's nothing happening at all.

Oh yes, a friend came back from offshore and passed me some more tips. I feel a little bit more encouraged but not by so much.

Still a bit anxious but not as bad as it was last week. This offshore job thing had better not be one of life's bad jokes. I've had a lot of that and it's not really that funny.

Not Gone...Yet

2009-04-23T06:08:00.004+08:00

I guess I spoke too soon.

It's 6.00am on Thursday morning and I've just endured a 15 hour bus ride from Miri back to Kuching.

So what happened? Well, the original plan was for me to stay in Miri for a few days before deploying. Usually this is how these things work. However due to some circumstances and last minute changes I'm going off in the 2nd week of May instead. Which is great news because that means I can tie up some unfinished business and put in some extra training before mobilizing. And to see all my friends off course.

This could still change though. They could still call me later and ask me to pack up and go immediately. These things can happen too.

It wasn't a complete waste of time though. I got to talk with the new boss, hung out with a friend I haven't met in a while and most importantly, signed a contract. The money's pretty good and I'm pleased with it.

Also, I'm feeling a lot less nervous about the whole thing. I guess some mental conditioning was required. The first call really caught me off guard and by this time I wasn't thinking about going off at all. After hanging out and meeting the new boss and talking to some people I feel like I'm ready for it. As ready as a noob radioman will be anyway.

Right now, my tentative itinerary would involve flying out to Singapore then to Batam then to the barge off the coast. I say tentative because again, things can change at the last minute.

I guess all that's left to do now is to prepare as well as possible and try to do well. Things are going to change quite a bit this year.

Finally for some off topic comments.

I forgot one very important preflight rule yesterday morning. Avoid caffeine. It increases the blood pressure and during descent one blood vessel behind my left eye started throbbing and it hurt like a motherf***er.

Long bus rides are not fun even on a reasonably comfortable bus. Also in order to appreciate how big Sarawak really is, a bus ride from Miri to Kuching (or vice versa) would put that into perspective quite clearly. I left at 1400 yesterday afternoon. We stopped in Batu Niah, Bintulu, Selangau and Sibu before fueling up at the Penrissen Shell station. Arrived in 4th mile at 0451 this morning.

I won't be doing that again anytime soon. Unless I'm broke and desperate to get home. The ticket cost 80 bucks by the way.

The plan this week is to clear some debts and transfer some reserve funds into my savings account. If all goes well, I'll get all my money back and more within six months.

Wish me luck!

The Call

2009-04-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

In a previous post I mentioned that offshore manpower demands have dried up and I was not likely to go off.

Well, The Fates like to play tricks on me. Apparently I am going. Tomorrow.

I received the call today. Someone is leaving and needed replacing.

I cannot even begin to describe the dread I was feeling. I'll admit it right here, from the beginning off the whole offshore thing last year I've had doubts about whether I can handle that kind of work. Actually that overwhelming dread started during the safety course. I have no idea why. I also imagined all kinds of nasty, antisocial types working in the offshore industry. I don't know where that idea came from either.

Well, that's just me. I've always had little confidence in trying new, more challenging things. The whole idea was to break that. And the money, obviously.

I feel much better now. I went out with a good friend just now and we talked. It makes things seem less frightening. Anyway, my brother is doing well and so is another friend. Why shouldn't I do just as well?

Well, we'll soon find out. My greatest wish now is for me to enjoy this new line of work and be as successful as I was in my previous job. And if I don't do well, so what? At least I tried.

There isn't much to worry about actually. It's just me being silly.

If I find myself liking it I will succeed in my plans to retire early provided I don't suddenly develop expensive, extravagant tastes.

Wish me luck folks.

Zooey

2009-04-16T22:12:00.006+08:00

I've been watching (or rather re-watching) a lot of DVDs lately. I think I've watched Transformers 3 times already this week.

I also watched Yes Man earlier this week. Good movie. Starring Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel. Ah Zooey..

I like Zooey. She is one of my favourite actresses. I've seen a number of her movies and I liked them all. She's also part of She & Him. Like most things involving Zooey She & Him's music is very... quirky?. Just watch that video on top of the post and see what I mean.

I was trawling Youtube for interviews and I found one where she mentioned the Speech Accent Archive. It's a collection of various English accents from all over the world by both native and non-native speakers. It's awesome. (It uses Quicktime so if it doesn't work with Firefox open it in Explorer.)

And while listening to the supposedly Malaysian accent it got me thinking. Is there such a thing as a proper Malaysian accent? (Manglish doesn't count). There are so many ethnic groups here and they all sound different when speaking English. Heck, all my friends speak English and they all sound different.

What do you think? What's the definitive Malaysian English accent if such a thing exists?

On that note, here's another great song from She & Him.

Plan B

2009-04-10T19:36:00.003+08:00

Holy week. Hmm, perhaps it's a good idea if I do something holy?

Anyway, I'm still looking for work. This week I signed up at JobsMalaysia, that Labour Department website. And Jobstreet of course. I also have two other openings I heard about through the grapevine. One of them sounds good but unfortunately requires knowledge of Linux of which I have none at all. The other one is only available next month.

I've given up looking at the local papers. There's nothing good there.

I also registered at myEG just for the heck of it. Looks quite useful. You never know when you might need it.

While I've been doing this it dawned to me that perhaps my skills set might be a little too specific. Apparently there's a ton of positions available for systems analyst, programmers, application devs etc. Software stuff. No surprise. Software related work is NOT easy. Hence the talent pool might be a little on the short side.

There's almost none available for the humble hardware and support tech. Either support people are a dime a dozen these days or hardware and operating software have gotten so reliable support is no longer that important. I'm inclined to think it's the former.

Yes, things are looking a bit grim and I can't really shake this impending sense of doom. But I keep looking.

How about that offshore thing? Well, I've heard a lot of stories recently about oil and gas but the manpower demand has completely dried up (no pun intended) and now it's almost impossible for a newbie to get in. Everyone wants experienced people at sea and I don't really blame them actually.

Maybe it's got something to do with crude being at 40 bucks a barrel only these days. There's another reason why I'm thinking twice about going offshore but I can't really say much about that right now.

I owe the parents 5k. They said I don't have to pay it back but somehow it would be so very wrong if I didn't at least try to pay them back.

If nothing happens by the 1st week of May it'll be time for Plan C. Which means I need to leave home in search of work. Perhaps I'll be away for a long, long time.

Life is not so easy these days...

Pantas dan Garang Empat

2009-04-04T19:14:00.003+08:00

~~Need for Speed The Movie Pt. 4~~ Fast & Furious 4. With the original cast. Surprisingly good!

500 Million and a New Stadium!!

2009-04-01T16:48:00.002+08:00

Not..

It's April already. Time sure does fly these days...

Are You Bored?

2009-03-29T19:40:00.003+08:00

Or did you find a foreign word you can't pronounce? Type it in here and here your computer speak.

It's a lot of fun..

There isn't anything new so this will have to count as an update. Oh yes, there is one thing. April is near. Time for Plan B.

Fast Times in the EPL

2009-03-23T11:20:00.010+08:00

Just wow. First Man U self destructs at Fulham and get two more players sent off. Now Liverpool can't stop scoring. I think that's 13 goals in their last 3 games.

Only the week before that I think, we were hanging out at Jalan Song remembering the good ole days when Chelsea were actually good and Jose was giving Sir Alex a run for his money..

It's too bad I can't watch games at home now that we don't have the Astro Sports Package anymore. The next few weeks are going to be exciting for EPL fans.

Man U would probably still win the league though. They still have that one game in hand. It's hard to write them off as much as I'd like to see someone win for a change. I never like to see the same team win all the time. It gets boring and it gets even more annoying to meet more glory hunting Man U "fans"...

Anyway, if Liverpool win the title it would be great. They haven't won in decades. I also would like to see Villa get into the Champions League instead of Arsenal. Makes a refreshing change.

Talking about change, I downloaded Internet Explorer 8 two days ago. It's not bad. Doesn't feel as "heavy" as previous versions of IE. It's almost like Firefox in many ways. So far, I like it.. There are many new features that I haven't tried out yet. The private browsing option is a very, very good idea for security. The multicoloured tabs are a bit strange but might be useful.

I'll write about IE8 when I play around it more this week.

EDIT: I've detected a problem with IE8 already. It screws up my blogger post formatting by removing all the line breaks between the paragraphs. Damn. I had to log in via Firefox to correct it.

Some Miscellaneous Things

2009-03-21T00:38:00.002+08:00

Well, no big update from me this week. Still not employed yet. Luckily for me, all my insurance policies matured right now so I actually have quite a bit of money right now. What a relief this is.

Anyway, I've been gaming a lot as usual. I got some news for FMers out there. I found a logo pack containing 35,000 logos! That includes logos for all competitions and clubs in 105 leagues. By the way for those who don't know what I'm going on about, not all clubs in Football Manager 09 have their logos included in the game. Only the licensed ones. Therefore, some very nice people actually took the trouble to create the graphics for the logos (as well as skins but I like the default skin so I don't bother with this). The logo pack comes from FMGLive. Unfortunately I don't have the actual link anymore but it's on there somewhere in the form of a torrent file.

Now my FM looks pretty and "official". I'm very pleased.

I don't spend ALL my time in front of the computer despite the gaming stuff that I like to talk about. I just came back from Happy Valley. They serve the best (non-halal unfortunately) barbequed stuff in town! I haven't gone in a long time. I love that place. It's across the road from Crown Square. Go and check it out. There's actually two venues, a cafe in the shophouse facing the road and a private house behind it. I prefer to go to the house. Nicer atmosphere.

I should have taken a photo...

Anywhere, right now I'm in front of the PC again and I'm playing around with the FM database to see what I can update.

See you next time.

An Update

2009-03-15T23:13:00.003+08:00

My brother's band Ethnic Transmissions have their new single out on promo. Check it out at their Myspace page or down here.

Their new album should be out in the next few months so if you like local music please give your support. The boys are doing a really, really good thing here.

I hope you like the song.

Aside from this, I haven't been able to update more regularly... There isn't much happening right now and not much to write about. Which is a good thing I think.

I did have a good time last night though. One of my friends got married recently and last night was their wedding dinner. It was a lot of fun. I think of all the wedding dinners I've attended in the last few years, last night was the most fun. Usually I have some negative things to say about these occasions but last night was great. The food was great and the booze was non stop.

Except for that problem they had with the notebook and the faulty headphone jack which meant that the presentation they wanted to play would have no sound. In the end, I decided to convert the video file to VCD instead. It worked beautifully and no one was any wiser.

Anyway strangely enough despite all the drinking, I didn't really felt drunk at all. I still had energy to power up the PC and play some games until early morning.

Talking about games, I've finished most of the new ones already. I'm down with Dawn of War 2 and Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway, which was awesome by the way. Great story, ala Band of Brothers. I've got Empire Total War installed but I'm playing that one slowly.

The game is humongous now. The installation files alone are 13Gbs but when you see what the game is about it's not surprising at all. This time around the game takes place in the 18th century, the age of gents in powdered wigs, black powder muskets and exploration. Therefore, the game now includes areas like India and the Americas. I have a Great Britain save game and in it, I'm at war with Spain and France with all the fighting taking place exclusively in the North America and the Caribbean. Great fun.

Many changes have been made since Medieval 2 Total War and one of the biggest change of all is 3d naval battles. The graphic detail must be seen to be believed. The ships are so detailed, you can see crew and rigging and cannons and the like. When the fighting starts, you will see debris, sails being ripped and people falling overboard. That is if you can peer into the smoke. In this time period there is a lot of smoke on the battlefield from all them muskets and cannons.

Anyway, the game is very deep, very involved and very long. And also very fun, especially for history buffs like myself.

Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II...

2009-03-06T20:45:00.002+08:00

... is too bloody awesome for words. So bloody awesome, it's taken all of my available free time. And being unemployed, I have lots of that.

Fans of RTS games, Company of Heroes and Warhammer 40K are going crazy over this awesome game I bet. The orginal Dawn of War was good but it doesn't compare to this new one. I'm midway through I think and I'm definitely replaying the single player campaign again.

Again, the story is about the Blood Ravens spacemarine chapter. This time they are dealing with a Tyranid problem. Orks and Eldar are involved as well. Even cooler than that is you can choose any of those sides in multiplayer and skirmish. Hmm Tyranids..

The only weakness the game has is its steep system requirements especially the graphics portion. But if you do have a good enough system, the game is gorgeous and a joy to behold.

I'm going to put off Football Manager for awhile until I finish the single player part.

Meanwhile...

I have nothing else to write about unfortunately. I've been spending all my time lounging around with friends and gaming. There's not much happening there.

I haven't found any work yet but then again I haven't really been looking to be honest. I have some leads and I'm waiting for those to develop. March is the window and if that passes by I'm going to plan B.

I did help Will set up his new Dell Studio 14 notebook yesterday. It's an awesome notebook. If I ever could afford a new one next time it'll probably be a Dell Studio. XPS is still kind of expensive for me.

Anyway, it felt great to be doing computer related stuff again. It's been awhile and I guess one can say it's my true calling really.

I'm going out to watch a movie in a moment. I'm going to try and update this blog more regularly this month.

The operative word here is "try"...

Damn Warhammer...

Busy

2009-02-25T18:15:00.002+08:00

Yes, I've been busy. Playing games (GTA IV and FM2009) and catching up with friends. Not everyone knows I'm home yet though. I prefer it this way. It allows me to sink back in to real life at a slow, controlled pace.

I was at Will's place last Sunday. I nearly got lost getting there. It's been a while since I've driven up there. Heck, it's been a while since I've driven anywhere actually.

By the way, the boy has started blogging. It's here at www.rajalautoffshore.blogspot.com. For people who want to know what the life is like in the offshore oil and gas business, it's all there.

He also ordered a new notebook, a Dell Inspiron 1420. He's the 3rd person I know who's got or getting one. Myself and Gette are the other two. All different colours too. Will's is blue. He should receive it next week I think.

I'm looking for work at the moment. Rumour has it that offshore work will only open up in March, at the end of the monsoon season. I'm still wondering whether I should wait. I could wait and go offshore or I could go back to doing computers again. Both have pros and cons.

Too bad Dell doesn't have an operation here.

Anyway, I'm not going to be choosy. I need work and I need it fast. Hopefully something will turn up soon.

Apart from all this, things have been quiet. I no longer have to worry about any fallout from my Oz adventure. Let's just say that it's been taken care off...

Woohoo!

2009-02-18T10:38:00.007+08:00

While I was out and about in rural Oz, I missed a whole lot of pop culture stuff. Such as the....

Revenge of the Fallen teaser trailer!

Woohoo!!

Laying Low

2009-02-16T12:27:00.002+08:00

Oh how I wish I could go back to blogging about trivial, inconsequential things again.

I haven't blogged for awhile I know. There isn't much to write about. At least, there isn't much information I can release into the public domain at the moment. Things aren't really safe yet. I'm still feeling a little uneasy.

At least my immediate troubles are over and I can rest for awhile. Will more trouble appear over the horizon?

Anyway, I contacted my youngest bro last night via Facebook about offshore work. Hopefully I can get on an oil rig by March.

I have a lot of stuff to pay off. My credit card is almost maxed out and my car insurance is due end of next month.

Suffice to say my Oz trip cost me quite a lot.

The Final Stretch

2009-01-31T09:40:00.002+08:00

The crazy heatwave here in Melbourne looks like it's coming to an end. What a relief... 40 degree heat is no fun. Especially at night. It's hard to sleep.

My business here in Oz is almost done. Hopefully, the business back home will work out just as well. I might be home as early as next week but since flights are hard to get right now I'll probably be home in 2 weeks. Maybe a bit more.

I'm looking forward to getting back to real life.

Heatwave

2009-01-28T10:40:00.003+08:00

It's very hot this week. Very hot indeed.

I watched the Australia Day parade on Monday. It was ok. My mind was on other things so I couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to.

I'll probably be home in one or two weeks time, depending on the availability of flights.

I hope we'll be safe once we're home.

I hope against hope that local authorities do something against people who cheat, lie and intimidate. Will they?

Grand Slam

2009-01-24T20:36:00.003+08:00

Oh my God, there are huge crowds of people in Melbourne to watch teh tennis this week. It's a bit hard to have a nice stroll in the city with so many people around.

There was a huge fight yesterday I think, between Bosnian and Croat fans. It's a good thing we decided not to go to the place. I was contemplating going to watch a game but I guess if it gets that hot it might not be a good idea. Besides, the rest of the guys aren't really huge tennis fans. I don't really want to go alone.

We did go to Chinatown which was great. Next week we might go to another part of the city. Last week we walked along Lonsdale street. Lots of Greek shops and restaurants.

So far I'm having a good time here. Much better than being out in the bush.

Also it's Australia Day on the 26th. I might go to town and see what's going on.

Hot Summer Day

2009-01-19T11:53:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone.

It's a hot day today. Yesterday I took a tram for a lark. It was fun. We went to visit some friends here in downtown Melbourne. We took the tram home.

We're very comfortable at the moment. We have new friends here. Very nice people. They're helping us out a lot. We're very grateful for them.

I'm slightly bored again today. Maybe I'll hop on another tram and see where it goes...

Odyssey

2009-01-16T12:45:00.004+08:00

To those of you who left comments about me making a good choice coming here...

..I'm afraid not.

Something's happened. A few things happened actually. The whole thing's gone completely wrong.

This has been an epic journey. Epic. Bar none, this has been the most insane adventure I've been on. The stuff movies and books are made of. One thing for sure, I'll have one hell of a story to tell once this is over.

No worries though. We are safe and sound and the whole thing will settle down soon enough.

I can't really blog about this now but we've initiated the ejection sequence. Those who know what this means will know what I mean.

... and some people are "going away" for a long, long time...

I'll post more later.

God Bless the Relatives

2008-12-15T09:53:00.004+08:00

Apparently, my family has some contacts here in Oz. That's freaking brilliant.

So far the farm work is ok but I'm together with these bunch of Nepalese lads who work soooo fast they make me look bad.

Therefore, I'm going to have to use my ace card sooner rather than later. Hopefully my contacts here can set me up with less... manual work. I'm already thinking about May onwards. That's winter and there will be less available work in the countryside.

By the way, I'm not working today. I'm working tomorrow. It rained the last 2 days so I only managed to work half a day. That's the other thing I'm concerned about. If I can work indoors I don't have to worry about weather.

I'm ok so far but unfortunately I can't say the same for the other lads. Some of them have a lot of trouble adjusting and my roomie does nothing but whine about working conditions and the uncertainty of living out of hotel rooms.

To think they all thought I was the one who would be in trouble...

Anyway, I'm still in survival mode and the escape plan is still in effect. So no worries.

Oz is a beautiful country especially now in the summer.

We're not in Kansas anymore...

2008-12-11T15:12:00.002+08:00

Finally.... a PC with internet connection. I don't have much time. 15 minutes for 2 bucks.

Sounds expensive right? Actually not really.

I have a ton of things to say actually. But for now a status update.

I'm in Tumba Rumba, a small (think Serian) town not far from Sydney. Yeah, we travel a long way. That's the life of the contract farm worker. We go where the work is. For now it's apples in Batlow, another small town in the highlands. Nice place.

Over the last few days, I've been to places not many people see. It's gorgeous out here in the countryside. Not unlike living in a postcard.

We stayed at Wood Wood for a few days, not far from the place where out train from Melbourne stopped at Swan Hill. Two days ago, our super scored a deal with Batlow apples to do thinning. 2 bucks per tree. I've done 100+ over the last 2 days.

The heat? What heat? Cold we got plenty of that. A ton of people have been telling me to watch out for the hear but seriously, it's got nothing on the heat we get back home.

Anyway, I've lots more to tell actually. It's ok so far but there are some things I'm not very happy about. Nothing to do with Oz or anything like that. The guy who fixed us up in Kuching left out a lot of details about working in Oz. A LOT of details. Made adjusting very hard.

Still, I'm here and I'm going to try and update as much as possible

Until then please take care and have a good summer.

Cheers.

Reject

2008-12-02T08:38:00.002+08:00

The people from the oil rig called just now.

In my entire life, I have never had to reject a job offer. I feel bad. I feel especially bad for that mate of mine who no doubt really wanted me to join him there. We had some good times in Sibu. I really, really hope I can see him again when my Oz thing is done.

Anyway, my bro has a job waiting for him now. I gave his phone number to the rig people and there are probably thrashing out a deal as we speak. Those guys need GOC, TBOSIET and computer literacy. No probs for my bro.

The job's right there for the taking. It's all up to him now whether he takes it or not.

I hope he does.

When it Rains it Pours,,

2008-12-01T03:05:00.002+08:00

The date is set. I'm going off on the 6th. Everything's taken cared off and now I just need to pack my stuff. I'm going to miss my PC a lot since it's powerful and has lots of cool stuff in it. Well, not so much now since my graphics card overheated and died a few days ago...

It's as if it knew no one is going to game on this PC for the next year and a half.

At least I still have a notebook. I wonder if I can get wifi where I'm going.

Anyway, here's a story.

You know sometimes I think fate loves to mess with people. This morning I got a phone call from a mate I was with when I took my GOC course. Guess what? Yet another job offer for me on a rig.

All that time I was lounging about the last few months, nothing happened. Now that I'm about to go off and work, job offers come pouring in. This is the second one I got in the last month.

Talk about selection headache. Sometimes, I feel like going outside and curse the sky. Better not because when I come back from Oz I might still want to go offshore. I have the certs after all. This is assuming that my grand master plan of looking for better work in Oz doesn't work out.

If that's the case, then I hope job offers will still be available then. It's always good to have a backup.

It's not all bad though. When these people call me tomorrow to ask whether I want to take up the offer, I'll going to pass them my youngest brother's contact number. The boy just completed his safety course two weeks ago, all his papers are in order and he's all set to go. I hope they take him. That way the household need not worry about money anymore.

I just hope I'll do well when I go.

Thoughtless

2008-11-24T02:07:00.003+08:00

It's hard to blog when I'm finding it hard to think straight. Everything has ground to a halt as I wait. Wait for what will happen next.

It might be a great thing. It might be a huge mistake considering how I am and my natural affinity to things familiar. Even when those things hold nothing new for the future.

I guess that's all I have to say for now.

Meanwhile, here's a random Youtube video I stumbled on. I have no idea what the words mean but it was strangely soothing.